Impact Over Intention Q&A: Responsibility Without Guilt

This episode is a listener Q&A within the Impact Over Intention series, focused on a question that many people struggle with once awareness begins: The is also the last Q&A steaming from the 1st episode of the series.

Once someone becomes aware of the impact their beliefs are having, how do they take responsibility without falling into guilt or self-blame?

In this conversation, we redefine what responsibility truly means. Rather than seeing it as punishment or shame, we explore responsibility as an act of self-leadership the moment you become aware of the impact you’ve created and consciously choose to respond differently moving forward.

I walk through the difference between reacting from a belief and responding from awareness, and why feelings of guilt or self-shame may arise but don’t need to become part of your identity. Growth happens when you notice a limiting belief, interrupt the pattern, and choose again. That repetition is evolution.

We also acknowledge that not every belief you’ve inherited or learned is limiting. Some beliefs are aligned with your core and deserve to be celebrated. This episode helps you hold both truths at once: releasing what no longer serves you while honoring what supports who you truly are.

If you’re learning how to lead your life with awareness, compassion, and intention without letting old beliefs define you this Q&A will help you move forward with clarity and confidence.

Transcript

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Thank you for tuning in to TK Conversations, the podcast that sparks that open and honest dialogue. So we're able to pull back the curtain on those internal struggles that we're having, those that we avoid. What we do is we face them head on in this podcast. And by facing them head on, it enables that growth of evolution. They're no longer an internal struggle, they no longer exist. We provide the tools so when those things come up, there's always forward momentum. So our light is always shining bright. In this episode of TK Conversations, we are continuing with our series of Impact Over Intention. And this is part four. It's a Q ⁇ A session based on the three questions that I received from the very first episode of Impact Over Intention. And it was based on how our how our identities, how I'm sorry, how our beliefs shape our identity. And the last question that I pulled from the list of questions. So we're gonna jump right into it. The question was: once a person becomes aware of the impact their beliefs are having, how do they take responsibility without feeling guilty or self-blame? Very powerful question. And I appreciate the listeners submitting that question to me. And I'm sure a lot of other listeners had that question as well. So I can give you a real short, simple answer, and I'm gonna make the answer simple, but then we're gonna take a deep dive into that question and those answers. Because remember, my goal is to always leave you better than I found you. So I'm gonna make sure I break it down so that when this episode is over, you'll be able to move throughout your day and all the following days with a clear answer to that question, which will reshape your life that will allow you to determine is that the true core identity of me, or is that the story that I was told? So if I think about a simple answer to you, I would say you make the choice to lead your life, and when you make the choice to lead your life, that belief is no longer in control. That belief does not control your identity at that point, so you make the choice to be the leader of your life, and then you take action. And by taking the action on being the leader of your life, again, that belief no longer defines you. Now, of course, the guilty part was a part of the question. Guilt and shame, or guilt and blame, I'm sorry, will definitely come up. And it's gonna come up because you're you're aware now, you're clear on what your impact has been. But what you have to do is remember, don't identify with it and don't feed into it. It comes up, you allow it to be, just like clouds moving. It pops up, you let it be. Don't attach to it, don't identify with it, and don't feed into it. Because remember, you're the leader now, you're in control, not the beliefs. That was supposed to be the quick, simple answer. I know, right? So now let's break everything down. We're gonna now dive into that question. So I read through the question a couple of times, and I I was going through the process of how I would want to break this down. And my initial thought process as the other two questions was I hear self-leadership and compassion within this question. So I'm gonna break it down that way. Again, self-leadership and compassion is what I hear within the body of this question, and in order to break that down, we're gonna go through a couple of things. The first one being responsibility, and that was the first part of the question. How do I take responsibility once I know? Let's think about what responsibility is, and I mentioned it earlier in the quick one the awareness. So it's recognizing how you have allowed, how you're allowed to make a choice. So, in order to take responsibility, you're now saying, I am aware and I recognize the impact that I have had, and since I recognize that, I am now allowed to make a choice on how I respond, who I respond to, the direction, and taking ownership of what I do for myself without any blame, without any guilt, the recognition portion doesn't need to come with blame, doesn't need to come with that guilt because you're already recognizing what it is that you're doing and you're choosing to take control of it, and by choosing who you respond to and how you choose to respond and the direction that it goes in is amazing. I have a friend and I admire how she is always able, and I'm saying always, well, she would probably tell me, no, TK, I'm not always able to do that, but she does it with such ease and compassion that she won't respond, she just won't say anything, not until she has decided and had discernment on how she's going to respond. And every single time I see her do that, I'm amazed because her response causes the other person to completely understand and they're able to move forward with forward momentum without any issues or frictions. And I admire that about her. I've never told her that. I'm gonna make sure she listens to this podcast so she knows that that I'm talking about her, but I wanted to throw that out there because that that's key as we start this. So I want you to keep in mind that the guilt and self-blame that we have, it keeps it tries to keep our attention because that's its goal. When you have guilt and you feel self-blamed, you feel like you should be blaming yourself, that's where your attention's at. You're no longer focused on being the leader, you're focused on the blame, the guilt that you have. You're focused on where everything went wrong, everything from the past instead of the forward momentum. So you keep validating what your intention was regardless of what the impact was. That's what guilt and self-blame does, and that's why we allow it to just move. Don't identify with it and don't feed into it, just let it be, just let it flow. And another thing when it comes to the guilt and the blame, those are anchors since they hold our attention. Remember, as humans, we will latch on to guilt in a minute, we will latch on to negativity. It's something within us that just forces us to do that. So it's an anchor, it stops us from growing, it keeps us from being present because we're stuck on the past, on what went wrong. So it keeps us there, it stops us from having clarity because remember, when we recognize, we're fully aware. But if we get trapped in that guilt and that self-blame area, we lose that clarity, we lose that awareness because our attention is focused there. So it keeps us in this blockage stage with these blinders on, and that's something that we just do not want to do. So remember, when guilt and blame shows up, let it pass. Continue to hold on to the responsibility of you recognizing what the impact was and making the choice to be the leader and no longer allowing that belief to define what it is that you're doing. Okay, that's our first portion of this. So as we keep diving in and we're looking at how we're taking responsibility, we want to look at how we respond versus how we react. Responding is that leadership portion, which is also retaking responsibility. So, in order to have that self-leadership, what it does is it allows you to take a pause, it allows you to think about the situation, it allows you to think about what that impact would be, and that's what my friend is good at. She's great at it. But it allows you, when you pause, you're allowed to think, and then you make a decision, you make a choice on how you're going to respond. So reacting is completely out the door as soon as you took that pause. So now you've made a choice on how you're going to respond, and then you respond. And your response is guided by the awareness that you have, it's guided by your values, and you're fully intentional about the way that you're responding. So now your intentions are going to line up and be aligned with your impact because you're in control and you're leading it. And yes, it does come with emotional intelligence. Let me put that out there. You must have emotional intelligence. That's a completely different podcast that goes, we would have to take a deep dive into that, and I'll make a mental note because it's important that we do that because it's a it is it is an important part of how you converse and go throughout your day. Emotional intelligence is something that you should always be working with. But with that emotional intelligence and being and in your leadership phase where you are leading yourself and in control, this is how you're taking responsibility for the impact that you have had, and you changing that impact and making sure your intentions are aligned with your impact because the impact is what they hold on to versus your intention. But now that you're aligning them, the intention and the impact are hand in hand. So that is self-leadership, that's how you lead this process. Now, let me throw out there when it comes to reacting, if you do not take control and lead, make that choice, you're gonna react. And generally, as us being human, we immediately just react to things. We don't really think through much of anything, we react because we're dealing with our emotions, we're dealing with habits and old patterns. Keep that in mind. Reactions are based off of emotions, they are based off of habits, and they are based off of those old patterns, those old beliefs. Bear with me just a second while I drink some water. Thank you. Just guess it's one of those mornings right now that I has I have that raspy voice, and you guys can always hear it on my podcast. But for some reason, this morning it's a little worse, but that's okay. I'm here, I showed up, and I'm 10 toes down, 100% in. So you guys just give me a little bit of grace, work with me as this raspiness continues to come through. Okay, so that's the thing with responding and reacting. When you're in control, you're leading, those beliefs are no longer, I they're no longer defining you. You are in control, you are making those choices, so you are responding versus reacting. So when you read when you think about the whole responsibility thing, I want you to remember that responsibility, it's not about you judging your past, it's not about you putting blame on yourself. That is not what responsibility is about. It's about how you create the future, it's about the forward momentum, it's about the choices that you make moving forward because you're completely aware of what the impact already was. So it's you making the choice to be different, it's you making the choice to no longer identify with that belief. It may have been installed in you, but it don't belong to you. So you're making the conscious, intentional choice to leave that one. And by no means, I don't want anyone to think that when we talk about this, that I'm saying that all of those beliefs that were installed in us as a child were limiting beliefs, or that they were beliefs that do not serve us, because we are installed with some amazing beliefs as well. So as you on your journey of life, as you're going through your life and you're discerning what beliefs should stay and what beliefs should go, what are true to you in your core, and what are the stories that were told to you, you celebrate those that were installed in you because those also shaped who you are, those also helped you get to where you are today. So those are a great thing. So please make sure you enjoy those as well and you acknowledge those and you hold on to those. So as we continue through this journey of this episode, and I am gonna go through the wrap-up here because I don't want to keep you guys too long. I'm trying to stay within this time frame, but remember, I always told you I will do another part to it if I don't get to it all, but I am going to get to it all today for sure. So the next episode would be the next part of the impact over intentions. So we're gonna wrap up this series of questions this episode. So what I want to leave you with, and I want you to remember, is that identity work, it takes, I want to say it takes time, but I don't want you to think it takes a lot of time. It's not about the time that's put into it, it's that it takes practice. You have to work on it, so you have to commit to yourself to being aware every single moment so you can recognize the impact that you're having. In each moment of that awareness, you're interrupting the patterns of those limiting beliefs, those beliefs that no longer serve you. And we have to keep interrupting the pattern. When we interrupt interrupt the pattern, we're saying no to that belief, and that's what we want to continue to do because that's where growth happens. As you continue to repeat it, you're evolving, you're growing, and you're getting rid of that belief. You're growing more into the core you, into the foundation of you. It's about returning to who you are, your core, your foundation, before you were ever told who you should be and what role you should play. That's what I want to leave you with today. So as you go out there and you continue to shine bright, because that's my theme, that light that is within us, you continue to allow it to shine bright, bright like a diamond, because it's there, regardless of the layers that may have been put on top of it. You just listening to my podcast is removing those layers. So you pat yourself on the back. And as I think about it, today is Christmas. So for those that celebrate the holidays or celebrate Christmas, have a wonderful holiday season. Go love on your loved ones, make the choice of To show up a hundred percent you, not the role, not the title. I challenge you to show up as you because you are beautiful as you are. I can feel your light shining bright. So you go show up as that. And I will talk to you soon on the next episode. Thank you for tuning in to TK Conversations.