Impact Over Intention Q&A: Separating Who You Are from What You Were Taught

This episode is a listener Q&A follow-up to Impact Over Intention: The Stories That Shape Our Identity. After Episode 1, a powerful question came in that deserved its own conversation and in this episode, I slow down and answer it fully.

The question: How do we begin to separate who we truly are from the beliefs we were taught when those beliefs came from people who meant well?

Together, we explore how many of our beliefs were formed in moments of protection, not truth, and how those beliefs quietly become part of our identity. I walk through what it looks like to observe inherited beliefs without blaming our parents or caregivers, how to recognize when a belief no longer belongs to you, and how identity work allows you to reclaim yourself without guilt or resentment.

This conversation is not about pointing fingers it’s about awareness, self-leadership, and giving yourself permission to unlearn what no longer serves you. If Episode 1 helped you recognize the impact of early experiences, this Q&A episode helps you begin the work of separating what shaped you from who you actually are.

Transcript

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Thank you for tuning in to this episode of TK Conversations. Of course, I am your host, TK Strickland. If anyone is new to my podcast, I am a strategic identity architect expert. And my podcast is just us having those conversations. It's about digging deep and actually discussing those real things that need to be discovered, those that we are hiding and avoiding, facing. We take some deep dives into those things. And today's episode is I'm going to call it part two. I'm in the middle of doing a series on impact over intention. And if anyone has not heard the first episode, please go back after you listen to this one and definitely listen to the first one because they all build on top of each other. Now, the reason that I call this part two is because in the previous episode, I did mention that since it is a series, it'll be an episode two, three, and probably four. I did not anticipate the questions that I may receive based on the listeners. Um, and I greatly appreciate those questions that came in. And since I did receive a few questions, I actually wanted to take a pause and answer those questions. That's not something that I normally do on my podcast, but I felt the need to make sure I address that because I'm always putting stuff out there to get my community and you guys to evolve, to think about things differently, but I don't really take a pause and kind of teach a little bit. I do that more in my retreats and my seminars and my workshops, those one-on-one sessions that I have with clients, but I wanted to just take a pause and answer a few of those questions. There's um three questions that I pulled out of the list that I have received. And what I want to do is I'm gonna go through each one of those questions, kind of tell you guys how I view those questions, and then I'm gonna go in and I'm gonna answer each one of those questions. I'm gonna share with you all um my thought process behind it. And in the process of this, I my thing is that I always want to leave you better than I found you. So I am always going to leave you with something that you can think about that will help you evolve, that will help you break these patterns of beliefs that have been installed in you. There's always gonna be something that I leave you with to make you better. So, with that said, what we're gonna do is jump right into question one. And my goal is to get through all three of them. But if I don't, don't worry, I'll make sure the next episode covers um whatever remaining questions I have. And there's no timeline on this, there may be a time on how long each podcast goes for, but there's no rule that I have to move through this extremely quickly. So just know that I will keep it at a moderate pace. You can always send me more questions if you need me to clarify anything. Definitely reach out. But I'm gonna take my time going through this, giving you as much as I can, but not overwhelming you. And if you feel like you need that individual space, that one-on-one space with me, please don't hesitate to reach out. All right, so here we go. Question one, and I won't reveal who is sending me these questions, but and I'm gonna paraphrase it a little bit. But um, you know what? I'm gonna do this differently because if you haven't heard episode one, I want to throw something out there so you can kind of follow along with what I'm doing. So the key points and takeaways from the first episode was that our impact matters, it matters more than our intention. We don't remember what the intention is, and the majority of the time we don't have a clue what the intention is, meaning the person that has been impacted. So please keep in mind impact matters more than the attention. The next key point from the previous episode is that beliefs are taught to us, are installed in us when we are at a young age, and that shapes our identity. So those beliefs that are taught or installed in us shape who we are, they shape who we are as of today. And then that third one is that awareness allows us to make a choice. Awareness is key. Keep that in mind. Awareness is key. Now, there we go. I'll jump into the first question. So, first question that was sent to me is how does someone begin to separate who they truly are from the beliefs that were handed down to them? So, kind of the way the question is, is when those beliefs come from people who meant well. I love that question. I really do. How do we begin to separate who they truly are from the beliefs that were handed to them when those beliefs came from someone that meant well? That question makes sense because last podcast we were talking about our parents, the people that raised us. They installed those beliefs in us, they told us who we are, they created the identity for us, which robbed us of who we truly are. We got lost in who we truly were, never knew who we were because at such a young age, they established our identity for us. So when I think about that question, the first thing that I think about is awareness, identity awareness. That's my first thought. So if I think about identity awareness, and I'm gonna break this up, let's go into just identity itself because I want us to be clear on what identity is and then those beliefs that they installed in us and they meant well. So we're gonna do identity and the beliefs that were taught to us. So when you think about identity, identity is who you are to your core, who you are to your core, your sense of self, it's the you before any roles, titles, or expectations, it is purely just you, okay, and then learned beliefs, those are the stories that were taught to you. You were told to believe them about yourself and the world around you. So those beliefs that were installed in you and they meant well, they were shaped by your family, shaped by your culture, they were shaped by your environment, and it influenced how you think and how you act. But remember, it's not who you are, but it does influence how you think and act, and that's why I said it creates our identity, they create our identity, and then we do it to our kids as well, until we break the cycle, until we become fully aware and we're clear on what we're doing. So I'm hoping that shines some light right there with the person that asked this question: identity versus those beliefs that was installed in us, that was taught to us by those that loved us. So if I was to simplify the way I just broke those two down, I would say your identity is the core of you, it's your core foundation before anything was taught to you. That makes sense. It was the core found, it's the core foundation of you before anything was installed in you, and then those beliefs that were installed in you and taught to you, and they meant well. Let's look at those as just different layers that was put on top of the corness of you, the foundation of you. And some of those layers definitely supportive, some of those layers were limiting, but all of it can be changed. Because remember, that portion is not you, that's just what was taught and installed in you. Hoping that makes sense to everyone and that clears up a little bit for us. So if I think about just the way the question has been asked to me, and it's how do I separate the beliefs from who I truly am? That's me paraphrasing again. I want to be clear because this individual was very specific in saying that the people that installed those beliefs meant well. I want you guys to know without a doubt that the beliefs that are installed in you, they definitely can mean well. And they come from love, but that does not make them not be limiting. The person that is installing those, they didn't they never even recognized that they were limiting you. They don't even realize that they're limited. So it definitely was coming from love, but it doesn't make it not be limiting. So when you think about that, I want you to remember that awareness is key. I want you to keep that in mind as we continue to talk about this. So I want you to think about it this way. If you start observing your beliefs, those that were taught to you, and remember they mean well, instead of identifying with them, this is gonna start your awareness process. You're gonna start tapping in to that level of awareness that you're needing. Okay, so an easy way for you to practice how to separate the two, because that's what you're asking me. I want you to observe the belief and not identify with it, and the way you would do that is you can ask yourself one question, one simple quick question, and you can ask yourself this every time something comes up. And the question is is this a fact or a story I learned is this a fact or a story that I learned or that was told to me? Because keep in mind, just because a belief was given to you doesn't mean that it belongs to you. So ask yourself that question when something comes up and you want to separate who you truly are from the beliefs that have been installed inside of you. Is this a fact? No judgment, no nothing involved. Is this a fact or is this the story that I've been told? And I have continued to tell myself that story year after year, moment after moment. If your answer is this is a fact, then that tells you what you need to know. That is a part of your core identity, and you know how to move from there with it. You hold on to that for now. If you recognize that this is a story that you've been told, this is where you let it go. You interrupt it, you cut it off right there, and that is the difference between the two. If it's factual, that's your core, that's your foundation. If it's a story that you've been told, that's just one of those limiting beliefs. That's what was installed inside of you, and that's what you let go of. And you just remind yourself with love, in love, that that story was told to me. That belief was installed in me, but it doesn't belong to me, it does not serve me. So at this point, I'm going to let it go, I'm going to release it. I hope that made sense to everybody. And I wasn't even paying attention to the time, and I noticed that alone was just question one. And I had three questions I was going to go through with everyone. So, what I am going to do, I'm going to keep you on the edge of your seats because I only want to go to a certain amount of time, and I don't want to pile too much on you. I don't want to add layers and layers on top of that because I really need you to be clear on what I'm saying with this one. Since this is something that I am doing differently, I want to make sure I pour my all into it. I want to give you guys everything from my cup that is running over. So I want to make sure that we're clear in this. So, question one: how does someone begin to separate who they are from the beliefs that were handed down to them when they come from someone that meant well? That was question one. Given my whole breakdown, and what I'ma do, my challenge to you guys is that I want you to sit with this question. I want you to listen to my answer, listen to my breakdown. Remember that this was solely based on awareness, and I wanted you to understand identity versus those installed beliefs, those learned beliefs. Think about my breakdown of identity and my breakdown on beliefs. Think about how I broke it down completely on how to look at it, how to determine if it is your core or if it was something that was handed to you, and how to let it go, how to ask yourself that question to make that determining factor. What I'm gonna do is save question two and three for next episode. So if this one was part two, I'm gonna have a part three and a part four to episode one only. I can tell you that just based on this because I do want to answer the other two questions. So remember, if you didn't hear episode one, please hop over and listen to it. Impact over intention, the stories that shaped our identity. And you can come back and listen to part two, which is a QA. I read off the person's question and then I answered the question. Please stay tuned to part three for question number two. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to reach out. Send me an email, info at tkstrickland.com. You can click the link and send a message that way as well, and it'll come directly to me. Until we chat again and join again. Thank you for joining TK's conversation. See you soon. Go shine bright like a diamond.