Impact Over Intention: The Stories That Shape Our Identity (Parenting and Childhood)

(Episode 1 of the “Impact Over Intention” Series)

In this first episode of the Impact Over Intention series, we explore the powerful difference between intention and impact and how the moments that stay with us are often shaped not by what was meant, but by what was felt. Through the lens of parenting and childhood experiences, we unpack how well-intended words and actions can unintentionally shape limiting beliefs that follow us into adulthood.

I invite you to reflect back to a time when you were a child full of curiosity, joy, and excitement about who you wanted to become. For many of us, that spark was dimmed not out of harm, but out of protection. Parents, guided by their own fears and limiting beliefs, often tried to keep us safe. Yet the impact of those moments went far beyond the intention, quietly teaching us to doubt ourselves, to stop dreaming, or to shrink our possibilities.

We talk about why impact is what’s remembered, how these early experiences form the foundation of our identity, and how limiting beliefs are often passed down without awareness. This episode is not about blame, it’s about understanding, healing, and breaking patterns so we can choose differently for ourselves and for the next generation.

As the opening conversation in this series, this episode sets the foundation for exploring how impact over intention shows up in our relationships, leadership, and everyday communication. If you’ve ever wondered where certain beliefs about yourself came from or why parts of your identity feel rooted in fear rather than possibility—this conversation offers clarity, compassion, and an invitation to rewrite the stories that no longer serve you.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Thank you for joining me for this episode of TK Conversations. And of course, I am TK. Today we are talking about impact and intention. And I will just let you know up front, this is definitely going to be a two-part series. And it may run into a third episode. I know for sure it's two. And as I was just thinking through the process before I started the recording today, it may go a little longer. So I just want to put that out there. So if you're listening to this episode, make sure you stay tuned for episode two. And once episode two is coming to an end, I'll definitely be transparent and let everybody know if there is a three and if there is a four. Because I'm contemplating having a guest or two talk about this with me. But of course, you guys are my community, and I will keep you posted. So let's dive in. Impact and intention. Some may say impact versus intention or intention versus impact. I want us to truly focus on the impact and the intention. Because I was gonna go into this podcast with one thought process and share that with you guys. But the other day, my husband was watching Abbott Elementary, and I was just walking past um the room that he was watching it in, and it caught my attention because I saw Taranji P. Henson on there, and I was like, oh, okay, she's playing someone's mother. That's interesting. Let me take a look and hear what she's saying. So I watched about 15 minutes of it. I came in on the middle of it, so I watched it up until just about the end. Um, and it was amazing. Of course, she's an amazing actress. There's a lot of different amazing actresses and actors in in that show, but her character stook out to me because she was playing the mom of the young lady that's a teacher on there, and I don't know her name by heart, and I hate that it's just not coming to me. Um, but she was playing her mom, and it was her birthday, and her mom had showed up to tell her happy birthday and to go to dinner with her and her boyfriend. And her boyfriend is if anyone ever watched everybody hates Chris, I think it's Tyler James or something, but that's the boyfriend. She was really excited that her mom had showed up for her and was gonna celebrate her birthday with her. So just the parts that I seen as I stood there, the mom gave her a card, and I believe it might have been$22 in it. This is an odd number, so don't quote me on it. It wasn't a lot of money. Um, and she was like, girl, you know what I had to do to come up with that money to get that money to give that gift to you. And she was like, At least I showed up and I watched them kids. So the character that Taranji was playing, again, she did a phenomenal job, but it made me rethink my impact and intentions because of course we watch television and we watch sitcoms to you know release some stress to kind of laugh and just relax. Perfect, but what I saw in that was a different angle at it. So I'm gonna start with the impact and intention that parents have on their children, and then I'll eventually transition into the other portion because it was originally gonna be about relationships, the impact and intention within the relationships we have, whether it's romantic, whether it's platonic, it's our best friend, it's the relationship we have with our parents, parents, whatever that may be. But I want to start with the impact and intention that we have on our kids. Easy to start there because I'm able to transition as we move through this. So if we think about, and I'm including myself here, so you guys will know, when you think about the impact and the intention, as parents, we are raising our kids to the best of our ability with everything that we have in us. We're trying to do the very best we can with working with exactly what we have no more, no less. Now, as we go through this process of life and we have one or two kids, doesn't even matter. I want you to think about how your limiting beliefs had an impact on your children. And I want you to think about as you were raising your children, and you could be in the process of raising your children now. I mean, even as adult children, there is still an intention and impact when it comes to the parent and the child relationship, although it is an adult child. So when we think through this, our intent as the parent is to raise them the best that we can. But our limiting beliefs that was taught to us, we then teach to them. I want you guys to be clear on that. The limiting beliefs that were taught to us, because we were told what to believe. Let me be clear. We were told what to believe, which created our identity. And those were limiting beliefs that were taught to us. I'm just gonna be frank with it. They were limiting. And then we turned around and we taught them to our children. So our identity was created, and then based on what we were told to believe in the identity that was created for ourselves, we then went in as we raise our children now, or if they're already grown, and we unconsciously create their identity and install those same limiting beliefs, and a lot of times a lot more. So let's say back when you were a kid, I want everybody to try to clear their mind and let's think about this. Back when you were a kid, you had a dream, you had a thought or something that just filled you full of joy. Your heart was so full, and you were like, I want to do that, I want to be that. I don't care if it was a doctor, a lawyer, a fireman, uh actor, a singer, I don't care what it was. It could have been a gardener, whatever that was, when you were little, you had that. Now, if you cannot remember what that was, I want you to make sure when this episode is over that you sit down and you kind of take a deep dive. Sit for a few minutes, pray if you pray, meditate if you meditate. I just need you to be still, be one with yourself, and try to think through when you were a young boy or girl, what that was. Now, for everyone that remembers that's listening, and if you don't, it's fine. Follow me here. You had that feeling, and the first time you get that feeling, you're like, Oh, let me tell my mom or dad, let me tell both parents, let me tell whichever parents in the home, doesn't matter. You're so excited. It could be a grandparent, it could be a sibling, but I'm gonna specify whoever the individual was raising you, and I'm just going with parents at this point. You run and you share it with them, and you're so excited when you deliver to them what it is you want to be or what you want to do in life, and the first thing that that parent does is they shoot it down. Please know I'm not blaming anyone at all, and when I say they shoot it down, impact an intention. So the intention may have been, it is a limiting belief, I'm gonna tell you that. But the intention with the parent may have been well, I don't want my child to be disappointed, I don't want them to be hurt. Oh, they pick something that I know is not something that they're able to accomplish. That's just unrealistic. Whatever those thoughts are, every last one of them were limiting beliefs. They're your limiting beliefs as a parent, and you bestowed them onto your child just that quick. They were told to you, whatever they may be. And when your child brought this amazing idea, it could be their life mission, their purpose in life. And when they brought it to you, what the ego immediately did is said, I need to protect them, so I'm gonna put it out there that they can't do that. That's just a dream. People aren't able to accomplish that. When we do that, we killed that spark inside of them right there, just like that. So now, as the two of you converse, as time goes on, they get older and older. Now you're sharing in those same exact limiting beliefs. So, as a parent, when you think back on this, what was the intention? Because your intention was to protect, but you don't we don't realize the impact that it's truly having. And the impact, just keep that in mind, the impact matters more than the attention because they're not gonna remember the attention. They don't even know what the intention was. Let's let's put it like that. They don't have no idea what your intention was. All they know is what they felt when you killed the dream. Whatever wording you use, it killed it. So now what you have started installing, one are the limiting beliefs, you killed their dream, but now you're starting to install that they need to stop dreaming, they need to only have certain goals and limitations in life, that the skies are no longer the limits, you put them in this box, and I can say, as a parent myself, our intention is to never put our child in a box, but we do it and we do it unknowingly. So, what happens is now, since that spark is gone, now since those dreams are gone, you miss the opportunity of what your child could have been become. You miss the opportunity of their purpose. Now, don't misunderstand me or get me wrong. I know that there are still some people out there that still fight for their goals and dreams. They were kids, they may, those limiting beliefs may have been, you know, installed in them, but as they continue to walk their own journey in life, something in them continue to ignite because we all have that light in us that is always shining. It's buried by limiting beliefs, it's buried by the world's experiences, it's buried by society, it's buried by a ton of things, but that light is still within us. And some people are able to dig their way out of that, and those individuals that do, they're able to still push forward. And when they push forward, they're able to recognize okay, my mom and dad may have said that, but I see things differently. I don't see that, so I'm gonna keep pushing forward and make this work. Now, with that happening, it shows the parents, okay, he or she really is doing something different. Oh, I know I told them when they were younger this wasn't possible. So then what it does is now the child, the adult child is now teaching the parent something, teaching the parent a different perspective, a different view. It's starting to shift that parent's reality because what they've always known and that limiting belief that they have and have lived their whole life with it, now their child is showing them something different just in the actions that they're taking. So when we think about impact and intention, our intentions were good. We wanted nothing but the best. But what we need to hone in on is what we say and do, what that impact would be. Because your your intentions and your impact need to be aligned so that the message that you deliver is spot on, they can't be different. So if you know that you're really trying to protect your child, but your limiting beliefs is what's making you do that. Think through what that impact would be before you actually say something. Because a lot of times, honestly, it's not worth you saying a thing. Because you don't know. Remember, that child at a young age, they're not limited, they don't know that they need to be limited. It's us. So even if you cannot see their dream and it doesn't make sense to you, that does not make it not be attainable. So as parents, it doesn't give us the right. Yes, I'm gonna say this. It does not give us the right to shatter their dreams and goals because of our limitations. Those are ours, not theirs, and we should not be putting that on them. Really take that part in, really take it in and think about this. So we love our children, we move on in life, we're always trying to share, we always want to make them better, but we're not recognizing in us trying to make them better, that's not the impact that they're having. That's not what they're receiving from us. So although we are an adult, and although we are their parent, does not mean that we have the best answer, does not mean that we have the right answer. Sometimes we need to sit back and watch. Or I go you one better. Sometimes we need to sit back and just start asking them questions. Be curious. And if you don't know what question to ask, just throw anything out there pertaining to whatever it is that they said to you. And you can do this with your adult kids as well. Please, I promise you, it works out the same way. You just turn supportive when you do it with your adult children. So ask them. I know growing up, my mom would always say I would question her to death. But you know what? No, no, no. I'm lying. Let me not word it like that. To this very day, my mom still tells me that I ask a ton of questions. So growing up all the way into adulthood to this very moment, every single time I talk to her, I have 101 questions. I've always been like that, but I've always asked questions just to seek understanding. I've always been curious. Why does a person have that answer? Why does it have to be like that? Well, who said that? Where'd that come from? And I would research, I would dig in. Before we had the smartphones and could do that, my mom would take me to the library all the time. I would get books, constantly reading books, constantly looking at TV. And I installed those same things into my girls as well because I want them to have as much knowledge as they possibly can. And I know that the questioning is exhausting. So, mama, if you listening, love you, you know it's me though. I can't help it. But I know it can wear her out, and she loves me through it, but she she's real good at it now. She'll call to say something to me and she'll just she'll put it up front, okay. Tasha, I'm about to tell you this. And sorry, yes, she says Tasha versus TK. She's like, I'm gonna just tell you this. Don't ask me a ton of questions. I just called to share something with you, and she laughs, and I'll be like, wait, wait, wait, Mama. No, then then don't share it because you know I'm gonna have a ton of questions, and I I can only imagine what goes through my mom's mind. Bless her. I love her to death. I'm so grateful that she allows me to do that. She allowed me to be curious and asked, regardless, if I was getting on her nerves or not. Well, I can tell you to this day, my husband feels the same way. He's like, T, all I did was just say one thing. This has turned into a 30 minute conversation because you didn't ask me 101 questions. My oldest daughter, she'll come in to say something to me, and she's like, Mama, please, please don't start asking all. All these questions, but my youngest, oh, she just likes me, she'll question away. She loves it. Bring it on, mama. Bring me more questions. So I say all that to share with you. I told you guys I am always transparent, and so I'm always gonna be open and share. But I share that with you because I want you to really, really think about it and think about the impact first, and then your intention, because remember, you want them to align with one another. Please keep that in mind. That impact is more important. And again, no one blames you. It's not a blame thing because it was done to you as well. And I hope that I said something that ignited something in you that moved you enough and triggered something to say, oh, I didn't think about it that way. Because I honestly want everyone listening to get rid of the limiting beliefs because that is the only thing that stops us from moving forward. It is the only thing that holds us back. And it the reality of it is that it handicaps people. As much as your intention may have been the best intention, you supporting a family member that is fully capable of supporting themselves, that's handicapping them. That's what you're doing. Because you have the career that you have, you have the finances that you have, whatever your career may be, it allows you to be able to take care of the whole entire family. That's not your job. And you're handicapped, you're handicapping them. Now, I threw that part in there because the next episode will be about impact and intention when it comes to relationships, when it comes to those romantic relationships, and I'll see if I can kind of deep dive into some other ones in the amount of time that we have. Um, but depending on how far we get, I will um definitely let you know if you got to stay tuned to another one because we're going to continue it. But I want to leave everyone with this. Please think about the impact because that impact is what matters. And compare it to your intentions. And I want you to go back. If you did not remember what it was as a little kid that filled your heart with joy that you wanted to do, I want you to truly think, really think and remember what that is, because all you have to do is remember. And when you remember, I want you to think about your parents' response. And then I want you to think about how it made you feel. And then I want you to think about where you're currently at in your life. Think about that journey you took to get there. Think about how your limiting beliefs have you exactly where you are. That doesn't mean you're not doing amazing. You're gonna be phenomenal. That does not mean that, but you are the only you that can be truthful with yourself. So I want you to be honest and vulnerable with yourself and really think about that. So I'm gonna leave everyone with this. It is the holiday season, whether you celebrate or not, I just want to say I am sending love and light everyone's way. I want you to have a wonderful December, and I will be back on this week with another episode of TK Conversations. Please feel free to click the link. Make sure you subscribe, send any feedback, whatever you would like. Talk to you soon.