Inside-Out Leadership: The Work No One Sees but Everyone Feels

In this episode, we explore how leadership doesn’t start with a title — it starts within. In this episode, we explore what it truly means to lead from the inside out, doing the internal work that no one sees but everyone feels. I break down why real leadership begins with self-awareness, self-discipline, and the courage to confront your own patterns before guiding anyone else.

We talk about how mastering your inner world is the foundation of influence — because when you learn to lead yourself with clarity, intention, and emotional integrity, you naturally inspire, elevate, and impact the people around you. The external role becomes the result, not the starting point.

You’ll hear practical insight on navigating the internal work, understanding the mindset behind true leadership, and embodying the qualities that make others want to follow your example — not your title.

If you’re ready to become the kind of leader whose presence shifts environments and whose actions inspire change, this episode will walk you through the work that transforms you from the inside out.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:01

Welcome to today's episode of TK Conversations. Today, we are actually talking about leadership and the power of leadership. There was a few episodes ago I talked about becoming the leader of your life. And I kind of went through a couple of pillars that that entails. And I did mention I would come back to it, but I wasn't sure when. Today I just I had that feeling again, going through my regular morning routine of workout, meditation, and everything. And something said, hop back over to leadership and kind of dive in a little differently on this one. So when thinking about leadership, we immediately think as humans that means power. Yes, you probably are able to tell people what to do or something like that. But what I am referring to when I say leadership, which doesn't tell that, but the main thing that I am referring to is you being the leader of your life. Are you actually the leader of your life? So when we think about this, and I say leader, being a leader is not about the title at all, it's about how you lead yourself first. You cannot lead others if you are not able to lead yourself. So I want everyone to keep that in mind. You must lead yourself first. And once you lead yourself first, then it goes into how you influence, how you inspire, and how you elevate others. How just walking in a room, you elevate everyone in the room. So keep that in mind. So when we think about how to lead ourselves first, that comes with our values and not our titles. And when we think about values, that is one of the pillars in the book that I am currently writing, Become the Leader of Your Life. We have beliefs, values, standards. Now, when we're going through that, and it's a lot within each chapter, and when I make those statements, there's so much when it comes to beliefs, values, standards. And you're not able to dig into those until you truly find out who you are to your core, your true identity. And I touched on identity as well in a prior episode. Um, and I'll dig a little deeper in that in some coming episodes, but I really need everyone to understand you have to find your true identity, you have to rediscover who you truly are before everything was piled on top of you and before you were told who you actually are. So that's where you start, and then it's leading yourself first. Now, when we look at this whole entire thing, we have to also know how to navigate the internal work that needs to be done, not the external role, but the internal work that needs to be done by us in order to find or let's say rediscover our true identity and to lead ourselves first so that we can lead others. So there's a lot of work that has to take place internally, and that's where as humans we get caught up at because we don't want to do the work inside, but we want to dictate and command on the outside with our external role, and it just doesn't work like that. We want to be able to have the power on this external role when we don't even recognize that there is no power that you have there if you're not leading yourself first. Because that's where all the power is, it's you controlling you. Because if we think about power, I'm I'm gonna just throw this out here. When we think about power, the majority of the time we give someone else our power. Someone else is in complete control of us, and that's because we haven't did the internal work. When we do the internal work, we then know who we are, and we're leading ourselves first, which enables us to lead others. And you can't do one without the other, it just doesn't work like that. There's levels to it, there's a step, a process, a framework, and you can't skip around either. It has to go in that order in order for you to evolve to that point. So let me go back to power. You have to own your power, you have to know how to take your power back because the most of the time someone else or something has control over us, which is actually having power over us, where we think that external role title that we have enabled us to have power over them. So let's just say you're a CEO of a company, nice size company, you go in dictating how everything needs to be, you put your stamp and mark on certain departments, telling the person that the head of that department, how you want things to be done and what your expectations are. So you go in trying to be a ruler. What happens is you miss the fact that there are so many times that people can see right through that. I've heard the saying so much. So I'ma I'm a paraphrase it because I can't quote it, but I've heard this saying a lot that you'll take individuals that are, say, vice presidents, CEOs, police officers, and they are so forceful to a point that it's just rude and disrespectful, but they're trying to command and demand everything that goes on in that workplace, but can't even control their own household. And they're married with kids, or say they're just married, or say they're a single parent raising their kids, but they can't control their household, so they're out in the workforce using their title and their role to control everyone within the workforce, everyone within their workplace. You never have to lead with power when you have totally done the internal work within yourself because it automatically comes out. You automatically walk with abundance, you automatically walk with your head held high because you've done that work internally, so you know exactly who you are, so you don't have to come off forceful, demanding. Now, yes, you need things done, absolutely, but you don't have to be an a-ho about it. You don't have to come off like that because you embody that role, because that's a part of you. And when you lead yourself first, others will follow because they see it. Remember earlier I mentioned you start to influence people, you start to inspire people, you start to elevate others. So when you are ruling yourself, when you are in control and you have done the internal work, it's a breeze to influence others, it's a breeze to inspire others, and it's a breeze to elevate others because they're honored to just be able to be a part of what you've created. So it doesn't take all of the unnecessary things that a lot of people do based on the title that they have. I want that to sink in for a minute. Because this this episode is is a little deep, and I want you guys to really think. I want you to take a step back, even when the podcast is over and you're going about your day, and it comes up, and you decide or you think, am I leading my life? Am I in control? Am I in power in my life? Is that me? And it's gonna be a yes or no. I mean, you could try to lie to yourself, you can see areas where yes, I am, and no, I'm not. Something as simple as something that triggers you. If it triggers you, that's the point where you're not in control and you're not leading your life. Someone else has power over you. Now, when it no longer triggers you, now you're in control and you have the power. It doesn't make sense for us to give our power to anyone. And the reason I say that is because we are all on our own separate journeys in life. We're all trying to figure it out, we're all trying to make it work. We all have internal work to do, including myself. It's an everlasting thing as long as we are living. So if this person over here is on their own journey trying to make it work and trying to figure it out, why would you give them control? They're trying to figure their own stuff out, but you're gonna let them have control of your life and what you do, and that's why we don't need to be triggered. If they have a problem with you, then let it be. That's their problem, that's their issue. Those are their thoughts, they're in control of that, but it has nothing to do with you. You don't have to make it trigger you, you don't have to make it make you uncomfortable, you don't even have to say anything to that individual. Because when you start doing that, now you're trying to prove something. And what are you proving? Because that's their thoughts, their perspective is their reality, and they could be absolutely wrong, but that's what they believe, and you can't do anything about it. That's internal work that they need to do, that's a journey that they're going through. Because if they don't like you, there's someone else that they don't like. No big deal. Stay in your lane, stay focused on you, stay focused on your internal work, stay focused on those things that matter to you, and don't worry about what anybody else thinks or what anybody else has to say. Now, that doesn't mean you're not having conversations with loved ones or friends and they point certain things out to you because people can see blockages that you and I can't see within ourselves. And it's great when you have someone that can see that and can share that with you. And when they share that with you, it's our job to make sure that we don't get defensive, we don't get moody, we don't get angry, but we take it in, we think about that for a moment and we say, okay, that really, that really is me. Because if we're being truthfully honest with ourselves, when someone says something that is a block, it's gonna take us a moment to think about it because we're gonna reject it, because we don't want that to be so. But we know deep down when we think about it, if it really is. So don't run from it. When it's pointed out to you, take it in, sit with it for a second, and then determine what internal work needs to be done in order for you to remove that blockage, and in order for you to heal from whatever that may be, so that you can move forward, that that no longer triggers you, that there is no longer a blockage when it comes to that, but that you are the best version of yourself when it comes to that specific thing. And you take one thing at a time. That's how you do the internal work. So, what I leave you guys with today is I want you to think about the internal work that you need to do. Think about something that you know really bothers you inside, and you just can't shake it. And then you pull out your journal, notepad on your phone, whatever it is that you're comfortable writing in, and then just start brainstorming how you can do the internal work to get rid of that that's bothering you. And it may be something that's been bothering you for 30 years, 60 years, 10 years. It doesn't matter. If it's bothering you, it shows up in every aspect of your life. You just don't realize it. So that's what I want you to do. Think about the one thing that truly bothers you internally and start brainstorming how to do the internal work so that no longer bothers you. I'm gonna wrap it up with that today because that was a lot said. This one was pretty deep. So I want you guys to enjoy the rest of your day. Make sure you do the assignment and make sure your light shines bright. Be the best version of yourself that you can possibly be. Until next time, thanks for tuning in to TK Conversations.