Fear Isn’t a Stop Sign: It’s a Signal

In this episode, we take an honest look at fear—what it really is, why it shows up, and how it quietly keeps us from stepping into the life we’re meant to lead. I share how fear often disguises itself as protection, keeping us “safe” but also keeping us small. And while I touch briefly on doubt, the real focus is on how fear shapes our decisions, limits our growth, and blocks us from becoming the true leader of our own life.

Together, we break down how to recognize fear’s voice, how to move anyway, and how choosing courage—even in small steps—can change the entire trajectory of your future. If you know there’s greatness inside you but fear keeps slowing you down, this episode reminds you that you don’t have to wait to feel ready. You can do it afraid and still rise into everything you were created to be.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:01

I am back with another episode of TK Conversation. Yesterday was phenomenal, and I appreciate everyone that tuned in. And let's go. We're going to continue on this journey of life that we do together. Remember, life is not happening to us, it's happening for us. So we want to make sure we pay attention to everything that is going on around us and taking a look at seeing at how it serves us to look at it and see whatever is going on, what we can learn from it, and what we can take away from it. Now, yesterday was a bit vulnerable for me. And you guys will notice each day is a bit vulnerable for me because I always want to share something and I always want to leave you better than I found you. So I always want to leave you with something that'll help you be a better version of yourself. Anytime you listen to my podcast, if you meet me in person, no matter what it is, I'm going to always leave you with something. And yesterday I was just thinking as I was going through that intentional journey, I mentioned fear and doubt. And as I was doing my morning routine, I went for another walk. I didn't go to the gym this morning. So I did, I didn't do three miles this morning. Not for sure what was off. I kind of went my same distance, but I did two and a half miles, which is still great because it's the consistency. So as I was walking though, I was thinking about fear and doubt. And yesterday, when I mentioned fear and doubt, something told me I needed to go a little bit more in detail with that. And I didn't want to do that on yesterday's episode. So I want to take a step back and touch base on that today. The way I always look at, let's say, fear, is that it's my mind, it's my mind's way of trying to protect me. And not just me. I want you guys to keep in mind that every time fear sets up, that's your mind's way of trying to protect you. But I also want you to consider that fear stops you from stepping outside of your comfort zone. And stepping outside of your comfort zone is where your greatness lies. So you have to step out of that comfort zone in order to become that new version of you. Now, that does not mean by any point that fear and doubt doesn't pop up in my mind. With what I do for a living, fear and doubt always pops up. Any given moment, if I'm about to go into an a into a coaching with someone, I have to sit for about 30 minutes prior. I clear my mind, get rid of everything that I am thinking about or what I have to do for that day. Because outside of the business that I run and how I serve others, I am still a mother. I am still a wife. I am still a daughter. I am an auntie. I am a sibling. And since that is the case, I have to make sure that I leave that where it is. So I'm that best version of myself when I go into that coaching or if I'm doing a speaking event, whatever it may be, I have to show up as my best self. So knowing that, the reason I share that is I want to take just an example of what I experienced. And I used this example yesterday in something different, and you guys will realize everything that we go through in life, it's always the same thing that we're experiencing. It's just what that particular item is is different. Whether it's going for a job interview, performing on stage in front of millions, let's say, or going to the grocery store, we're gonna always experience those same type of emotions and things. And because we share those, we all have the same emotions, it's just based on how we handle them. So the point of me sharing this is I'm just thinking back to my last speaking event. The one that I mentioned prior was on live television, it was through Binge TV. And before that, I had gone to a concert, and I will share. I am a huge Brandy fan, have been since day one, the very first day that she came out. I was gonna go to her concert by myself 20 plus years ago. So there I am dating myself, and she winds up canceling the show for you know her business. She was doing television at the time too and had to go back into production. So this go around, when I hear that she's going to concert, I'm like, I'm definitely going. It doesn't matter that it's in California, I'm gonna be there. But one of the highlights was that Monica was also going to be in concert with her, so it was a dual concert. The boy is mine. So I'm like, I'm going, we buy the tickets, my husband goes with me as he goes to every concert with me. So I am at the concert, and I know that I have this speaking event on television that's gonna take place just like three days later, and I have to prepare. But this was my way to like decompress and clear my mind so I'm ready for that event. And as I'm preparing for my speaking event, I'm also listening to videos of Brandy and Monica. And Monica actually shares that either her left vocal cord or her right vocal cord um had collapsed, but she was still showing up. And I was like, that's very interesting. Now, this is before I even um before the concert even starts. So I'm like, that's interesting that she's doing that. So I'm thinking the video's old, you know, and she's healed and gotten better. Um, so we go to the concert, and she comes out and she sings her butt off with only one vocal cord. She still shows up. So I thought to myself, as I'm watching the concert enjoying it, no matter what, no matter what obstacles are in the way, no matter what personal health issues or anything that I have, I'm going to still show up. And I'm going to show up as the best version of myself. So I started saying to myself, okay, if Monica could do it, Tasha could do it, why not? Anybody could do it. If we can do it, you can do it. So as I'm going through the concert, I'm just reflecting on how I've been a fan for so long of this individual. I'm talking about Brandy now, and everything that she's gone through in her life. Then I think about everything that I've gone through in my life. And then as I sit here and record this to share with you guys, I may not know you personally, but you can take a moment and just think about everything that you've been through in your life and everything that you're currently going through in your life. When we think about there, when we think about that, there's no doubt that fear and doubt sets up. How are we going to do what it is that we need to do without being afraid? Without being doubtful. It's like there's no way that that doesn't creep into our minds. So what we need to do is we need to have tools to know how to handle it when it does. And I can I'll be completely vulnerable with you guys. I prepare wholeheartedly for every single speaking engagement that I have. I have no cards due to my own personal health things, but I have no cards and I'll write my notes down. I'll write my whole entire speech down. I completely prepare. And when it's time for me to take the stage, I lose it all. And what it started doing was making me fearful because it would happen to me every single time. Now, if anybody has been a part of any speaking engagement I've done, any type of group coachings or anything like that, first thing you'll probably say is, I would have never thought that that happens because I come out and I speak so naturally and the energy is there, so you would never think that. But me being completely transparent, I do every single time. And it's fear on top of some other things that are going on. But I share that just so you guys understand that I have tools that I use to make sure that I still get up there and deliver that message that I need to deliver, that I must deliver because everything that I do is intentional and it's with purpose. So as you sit here and you listen to me, think about that one thing that you're afraid of. And then I want you to think about why you're afraid of it. What is it that makes you fearful of that one particular thing? And I want you to be honest with yourself, really tell the truth. What is it that's making you afraid to do that one specific thing? And that one specific thing is that one thing that will enable you to move forward with your life. We all want forward momentum. So if we think about that one thing that fears us, it could come from childhood trauma, it can come from the fact of being rejected, it can come from a lot of different places. But I want you to address that fear, and we'll dig deeper into fear because honestly, there's only one true fear in life. One, only one thing that us as humans are just naturally afraid of. Everything else is a fear that we create from our environment, from things that we have experienced, from things that we felt like life has done to us. And that's what causes us to fear and not move forward, or that's what causes us to doubt ourselves. So if we think about that one thing that we're afraid of, and then we find the source of why we're truly afraid of it, then I want you to actually face that. Now, I'm not saying by any means that it's gonna be easy, I'm not saying that you're not gonna need a support system, none of that. I just want you to build up the courage to face that one thing. Because once you face it and once you can put it away correctly, when it comes up, you're gonna be able to continue to move forward, and that particular thing will no longer stop you from doing what it is that you want to do. Now, my my fears and doubts, they they can vary here or there, and I don't get hung up on them. I'm not easily moved when it comes to fears and doubts. I just allow them to pass because I'm pretty clear that I know what it is when it comes to me, and I know that it's not gonna stop me no matter what. And that's the confidence that I want each and every one of you to have within yourself. No matter what that doubt is, no matter what that fear is, you can still create what it is that you want for yourself. So when you think about it, I have this, I have this quote that I use, and this quote is it's one of my signature workshops. It's um a book that I am in the process of making, I'm sorry, in the process of writing, but it's called Become the Leader of Your Life. And I share with some of my clients, I've shared in speaking events and even with my girls and my husband. I often say to them, and it it irritates them, who's in control of your life? Who's leading your life? And the majority of the time, our natural instinct is that I'm in control of my life, I'm leading my life. But are you really leading your life? When you move to do something and fear pops up, that's what's leading your life. That is what's in control of your life because you're not moving with your life because you're afraid. So let's say there's there's a job, you're going for a promotion, and you really, really want that promotion, but before you apply for it, you sit there and all you think about is the reasons that they are not going to hire you for that promotion. You think of all the reasons of why someone else will be picked over you for that promotion. So now you find yourself worked up and you find yourself anxious, and now you're contemplating: should I go ahead and apply? Now remember, we have to be intentional about everything, and everything that we think is a creation. We're creating those outcomes. So if you spend that time thinking about why you they will feel you're not qualified, or whatever reason it may be that they won't hire you and they'll pick someone else over you, that's that energy that you're putting out there. So you don't want to do that, but if you spend that time doing that, that job is now controlling you. You are no longer in control. If you can apply for that promotion with full confidence, knowing that it is yours no matter what, you are in control. If you can't do that, your thoughts and that job is in control, and you want to be in control, and I'll definitely dig more deeper into becoming the leader of your life because there's there's several pillars to that, and fear and doubt intertwines in each one of them, but I want you to truly think about that. So the nugget that I'm going to leave everyone with today, and I want you to think about it. And I I can't promise that next episode is going to be about becoming the leader of your life. Um, but I will touch base back on it, and I will have a full um podcast episode on it. But I'm gonna give you guys a little bit of time to really think about that and the way that you are going to think about that when you go throughout your day today, tomorrow, I want you to think about what triggers you. What makes you afraid, what makes you doubtful, and what triggers you. And in that moment of feeling any one of those, I want you to pause. I want you to truly pause and think about how you were about to react. Because in that moment of how you were about to react is what has control over you. Because if you react and not respond, you're not in control. Always remember that. The only way you respond is because you're in control, but if you instantly are reacting, I want you to pinpoint what has control over you. It's not gonna be comfortable, and this is not meant to be comfortable, this is meant to help you grow and evolve. So just remember that it is going to be uncomfortable, but you're gonna reveal something to yourself that you truly need revealing of. You truly need to know what this is because this is gonna be the start of what helps you move forward into that better version of yourself that is gonna allow you to apply for that promotion, that's gonna allow you to apply for that job. You want it, that's gonna allow you to write that book, that's gonna allow you to do whatever that big dream is. This is that first step. And remember, we got to take the step in order to do absolutely anything we want to do, in order to accomplish any goal that we have, we must take the step. So I need you to do that. Take a few days, really focus on that, and that will help start that journey to the new you, to that life that you want. Take the step and recognize who is in control, who is leading your life. All right, until next time, you guys have a fabulous day. And remember, be intentional and purposeful with every move and every thought you make. Thank you.