Why Do Some People Feel the Need to Undermine Others to Feel Happy and Successful?

Why do some people tear others down just to build themselves up? In this episode, we’re joined by special guest JR Whitehead, also known as JR.The.Advisor, to unpack the psychology behind this behavior. From deep-seated insecurities to competitive mindsets, we’ll explore why some feel the need to undermine others and how this impacts both personal and professional relationships. Join us for a thought-provoking discussion on confidence, self-worth, and redefining success the right way. 

Please reach out to JR on his instagram page: @JR.The.Advisor

Transcript

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SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to another episode of TK Conversations. I, of course, am TK, and today joining us is J.R. Whitehead, better known as JR the advisor.

SPEAKER_00 0:15

Hey, hey, thanks for having me, TK. Appreciate it.

SPEAKER_01 0:19

You are welcome, and I appreciate you taking the time to come this distance to sit down with me just to have one of those interesting conversations that the world needs to be discussing. So I appreciate your time and everything.

SPEAKER_00 0:32

My pleasure.

SPEAKER_01 0:33

All right. So, first question I have for you, because I said better known as JR the advisor, please tell me and our whole audience, what are you advising on?

SPEAKER_00 0:45

I get that question a lot. I get that question a lot. So I'm a private insurance advisor for all insurance. Basically, I save people from the pain of ever having to shop for insurance again. You know, looking at auto life, home, renters insurance, uh, even pet insurance businesses, you know, pretty much a one-stop shop. And uh, and I represent the whole state of Arizona. So that's what I advise in.

SPEAKER_01 1:15

That's a good one. And that's interesting. You said life. That one sticks out to me.

SPEAKER_00 1:20

Life insurance is critical.

SPEAKER_01 1:21

And that's one that so many people are afraid of. I mean, we know that we're going to pass away, but that's that one that people just don't like touching. So I commend you even on offering that as well as pet insurance.

SPEAKER_00 1:34

It's so important. You gotta do pet insurance, you know. And I just want to touch on this. You know, you said that people are normally afraid to even touch on it, you know, even think about it. And you know, I'm a firm believer in the more we start to accept our mortality, normally it will help trigger awareness in the moment and for us to enjoy and embrace life more. You know, because you know, it's like that thing, hey, we know the game of life, you know, this is this has been going on for billions of years, I would imagine, right?

SPEAKER_03 2:13

Yes, right?

SPEAKER_00 2:14

So it's like, hey, the more we can accept that, first of all, it will help help us embrace life in the moment a lot better. You know, it still will be challenges always. And then when it comes to uh life insurance, you know we have auto insurance, we have insurance on our phones, we have insurance on all these things, and then it comes to the point like, hey, we don't have insurance for the ones that we love, you know, for our family. And you know, and it's not always about death, you know, these life insurance policies, they have so many living benefits that that a lot of us need. You know, one is to be able to generate money within these policies, use it as a savings account, you know, where you're able to earn compounding interest, you know, instead of putting your money in a bank, put your money in a permanent life insurance policy since you're we're all going to need it anyway to cover our entire lifestyle, but also be able to save money for any expenses in this policy, take loans from this money, you know, so we can use it while we're while we're living. And uh so there are so many benefits, but uh you open up the box so you know of dump down. But anyway, yes. Well, thank y'all for having me. Thank y'all for having me.

SPEAKER_01 3:29

And that is perfect because that right there would automatically get people to reach out to you because it's life insurance, but we automatically think about it as death, and that's not what it's called, it's not death insurance, it is life, yes, for the living, and then it takes care of once you do pass away, but it's for the here and now. So I I love that.

SPEAKER_00 3:51

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 3:52

Now, please share with all of us a way that anyone can contact you.

SPEAKER_00 3:57

Well, I'm assuming you're gonna probably tag me in this video somehow, some way. So the best way to contact uh follow me is just to click the tag somewhere in this video at JR the advisor. I'll be there for you.

SPEAKER_01 4:14

You'll be there ready to advise.

SPEAKER_00 4:16

Yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_01 4:17

That works. All right, so we are going to jump into today's topic.

SPEAKER_03 4:24

Okay, okay. Ready for this one? All right, okay.

SPEAKER_01 4:28

Now the rule is it goes down whatever road that it goes down because whatever road it takes is the road that is needed for this specific conversation.

SPEAKER_00 4:36

All right. I got my seatbelt on.

SPEAKER_01 4:38

Ready? And don't hold back because I can tell if you're holding back. Don't hold back on it.

SPEAKER_00 4:41

Oh man, this is serious. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 4:44

All right, so today's topic is, and I'm gonna read it so everyone will see it, even when you're looking at it on YouTube or when you're just listening to it on any streaming podcast um app. The question is why do some individuals feel the need to diminish others in order to find their happiness or in order for them to be successful?

SPEAKER_00 5:13

Hmm, that's a good one. I mean, did y'all make lunch?

SPEAKER_01 5:20

We can over here because it can take us a while.

SPEAKER_00 5:25

Yeah, that's a good one. That's a good one, man. Wow. So now I'm only gonna speak from my perspective.

SPEAKER_01 5:35

Perfect.

SPEAKER_00 5:36

That's exactly the things that I've experienced personally, you know, um, because these are all real emotions, and we all deal with this, all these real emotions all the time, you know. So I would say it's not the person that's being um ridiculed or being um looked down upon or whatever. It's more of the person who is doing it. You know, so if I'm feeling that way about somebody else, it's always some type of insecurity within myself, some type of um unfulfillment within myself. And um, and it again it has nothing to do about them. It's just like more like, wow, like basically you're jealous, you know, and you're jealous, so you know, yeah. So I say it's a lot insecurity wrapped in a bit blanket of a few other things in there, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:42

I like that.

SPEAKER_00 6:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:44

Insecurity would be like number one slash two on my list, and I like the way you said it wrapped in a several other things. Because I would look at insecurity, I would look at confidence, and high on that list would be fear, because fear is what's creating the insecurity and the confidence issue. So if we start with fear, the way I look at fear is it come, well, I'm gonna say insecurity. Let's start with insecurity since that's the one you started with, and then I'll dive into fear. Okay. But insecurity comes from within, and you said that at the beginning. It has nothing to do with the person that they're putting down, it's them and what the issues that they are going through. So if we were to say insecurity and what's inside of them and the emotions that they are having, there's a root cause behind that specific behavior of putting another individual down just for them to feel happy. And I'm only starting with that. I ain't even going into the career situation because that's another one for us. But I want to say that and get your thoughts on that.

SPEAKER_00 8:04

Oh, I I I agree with you. I agree with you off the top. You know, it's um it's definitely fear, you know, it's again, it's it's wrapped up in two so many things, but it's definitely fear. Um it's like we know what we need to do. Um and for whatever reasons that we want to come up with, we don't do them. And when somebody else, maybe with the same exact abilities, um, but their work ethic is so incredible that they're able to execute and and achieve whatever that goal is, and then here we are mad at them because we're like, oh, we could have did that better, or we could have did, we could have did, we could have did, but you know, they didn't we didn't have the work ethic to accomplish it. And we kind of like, wow, we this a little jelly, a little jelly, like man, we didn't get it done.

SPEAKER_01 9:20

So it's kind of like that individual mirroring back at them what they could have done. And in and it instead of seeing that as a prime example and an image of themselves, what you said, they become jealous and they start talking about that individual where the ego really should be telling them, get yourself together. Yeah, you be consistent, you move forward because a lot of times, and this is where fear comes up, and we don't recognize it, fear is basically the ego telling us, hey, we got to protect ourselves. So we naturally procrastinate or do not move, and that's just a symptom. It's not really the cause of why you're not moving. Generally, if we say the cause of a person not taking action to be exactly who they want to be, or attempt for that promotion, or whatever may be going on, it's gonna be one of those things of the fear of rejection, the fear of not being able to do the job if they get the job. So the fear of success, and there's a lot more that could go into that, but when we dig deep, it's what is it that they are afraid of that stops them from moving forward?

SPEAKER_00 10:51

I may have to order dinner too.

SPEAKER_01 10:59

We can do that.

SPEAKER_00 11:03

That is the uh that is the question. That is the riddle. That right there, and uh that's one that I personally um always search for, you know, because I can sit back and be like, you know, I know all my abilities. You know creating a vision is the first part, you know, creating the vision, creating the feeling so I know I can accomplish it. Then having this fear within us, and we're trying to figure out what's stopping me. You know, what's stopping me from from consistently executing the plan. Why am I allowing whatever to knock me off? You know, it's one and it's it's a crazy experience, you know, because one part, you know, throughout my life, you know, I I I um wasn't like always a full awareness, right? But I'm I'm accomplishing things, you know. I'm like, wow, this is great now to the point where sure I'm in awareness. I'm like, wow, okay, this is the goal. I know I can do it. And then in awareness, I can be I can be procrastinating in awareness. Like, I know I'm procrastinating right now. Like, I know. And I'm like, okay, you know, I I know I'm procrastinating right now, in awareness, and be like, and I know that this is going to alter this goal, but still in awareness, understanding that I am procrastinating right now, you know, and um, and then also it was like, you know, I'm um, you can go to a point of you start to look for distractions to distract you from the work that you need to do. So it's like, so that point is like it's so much wrapped in that because it's like, what is it? What is it? Like, what's the root of it, you know? And it can be fear of success. I mean, it could be fear of success, it could be fear of work, it could just be that laziness, it could just be just flat out laziness and sometimes feeling good. I like chilling. Yeah, so it's so many different things that can um that it can be for all of us. You know, we just and it could be multiple roots sometimes, it could be a big whole bunch of roots, and you know, and um, and that's where it comes back to the first step of accepting our mortality. You know, this is not a sitcom, this is only one take. This is only one take, you know. So we know the life, we we know the story of life. It's been displayed and played out for us so many times, right? So we know how it's gonna play out. So, like, what are we going to do with what with the time that we have and have been blessed with? What are we gonna do with this time? What are we gonna and it's not a giving, we it's work, yes, and that's beautiful because work is great, work helps us grow. We're here to get stronger, you know. It's it's not supposed to be a walk in the park, it's always supposed to be a challenge. You know, we want to consistently refine and define ourselves over and over again that there's no plateau, you know, we just keep keep evolving.

SPEAKER_01 14:34

Love it. Yeah, you said a lot in there.

SPEAKER_00 14:38

I said we go and have lunch and dinner. Oh, you did.

SPEAKER_01 14:42

Okay, let me pick which one I want to go back to. Because you said a lot. Okay, so if we think about this, we're only we're here this one time. Yes, it is a journey, ups and downs. Yes, we know our goals. Well, we would like to think we know our goals, or we have some dreams. And those dreams, once we can really have a clear thought and a clear vision, like you said, then we start taking action and then we be consistent with it, so it will get us to that ultimate goal, but we are always starting over because once we reach that goal, let's think about it, we got another one. Yeah, because we got to keep moving. So when you say, what is it? It is something and it can be multiple things. You could be afraid, you could just the fear of success, like we said, but how do we dig in? And it was that self-awareness that you said, yeah, being completely self-aware and know that you are doing that. So that's a whole different ball game right there. So, how do we move when we are self-aware and know that we are procrastinating? What would you suggest then?

SPEAKER_00 16:05

So some things that help me out, and again, it's like taking a shower. You just can't take one shower and be clean. It's a daily by moment, by choice conversation with ourselves all the time. And for me, what's been helping lately is I just have a conversation with myself. Like, do I want to get this done? Why do I want to get this done? How is it going to make me feel once I get this done? What time am I going to start working on this to get this done? When should I be completed once I start getting this done? And literally plan it like we're planning a trip. Like we're literally planning a trip. Because procrastination feels very good until it doesn't feel good. And it normally doesn't feel good when we're seeing somebody else accomplishing our same goal. Maybe with the same more or even less talent, but with a heck of a work ethic that they're running circles around us. You know, that's when it that's when procrastination doesn't feel good. You know, when time is passing by and people are accomplishing things, we're still in the same spot, and we know, we know we got all the tools. We know we have the tools, and we believe in ourselves. This is a whole different level of feeling. You know, again, being in awareness, I mean, being and um not being aware is one thing because you don't know what you don't know. But once you're becoming aware and you know that you can get stuff done, you have already accomplished so much already, and you are you are you know who you are, and these little things that we're talking about are tripping us up that we're allowing them to trip to trip us up. So we have to approach it, at least I have to approach it like I'm planning a trip. Like, hey, have that conversation and lay it out and do it now. Consistently say, do it now.

SPEAKER_01 18:34

I like that. So you treat it like a business, absolutely, and you have to get it done no matter what, because you're right. The when we think about procrastination, the pain of not doing it when we know that we could have done it hurts more than, like you said, just not even knowing. Because if you don't know what you don't know, there's nothing you can do. But once you know and it's been pointed out to you, now that's a whole new level of accountability that you have to hold yourself to. And then you have to be willing, like you said, every single day. What am I gonna do? When am I gonna do it? What's my time frame on doing it, with still being clearly aware that things are going to come up? Things are gonna come up to stop us, but we have to continue to push forward. So if we say, in a sense that we know what we need to do, let's say we want the promotion, someone else gets it, so now we have taken the anger that's within us and we're lashing out at that individual, making it seem like they're really not qualified. They were just handed the job, they didn't put in the work, they didn't put in the effort, where all of that that's being said, like you said earlier, nothing to do with that other individual. That's every last thing that we would be feeling. About ourselves that stopped us from moving forward. But we're on a cycle that we keep repeating the same exact thing. So that same behavior keeps happening and we're not moving anywhere when we look up 20 years that went by.

SPEAKER_00 20:17

Yeah. Yes, they have. Yes, they have.

SPEAKER_01 20:24

And we still have our same dream.

SPEAKER_00 20:26

Yeah, same dream. Same dream.

SPEAKER_01 20:30

And that dream is just a dream because there's no action that we put behind it to turn it into a reality because we are who we think we are. So if that thought is I'm not gonna be successful at it, then you don't attempt to do it.

SPEAKER_03 20:48

Right.

SPEAKER_01 20:48

If that thought is I'm just not confident enough, we could even break down being confident. Let's think about that. If I feel like I'm not confident enough to apply for that position, confidence again is within, like insecurity. You're secure. That has to come within. So am I competent enough and know that I have applied myself enough to take that step forward to actually apply. Because if I don't feel confidence because I'm not confident within, I did not do what I needed to do to feel the competency of what I am moving towards.

SPEAKER_00 21:30

Yeah, you didn't do the work. You have to do the work. Absolutely. There is no shortcuts. I don't care how talented we are or how talented I think I am, if I do not do the work, it will never get done. It never gets done. You gotta work. You have to you have to change the mindset to not look at work as a negative word. Work is a very positive word. It's actually a blessing to be able to work and create, you know. So we really want to just adopt the mindset and the behavior of work is play. Work is play.

SPEAKER_01 22:17

And if you love what you do, I'm gonna say this two separate ways. If you love what you do, then it doesn't feel like work.

SPEAKER_00 22:26

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 22:26

Okay, because you're enjoying the moment, you're enjoying the journey, and you're learning so much. Not that work is easy, you just love what you do, and it doesn't feel like work. Now, let's say someone has a some type of job and they just don't like that job. Nothing wrong with that at all, but it's still a mindset thing because there is so much that you can learn and take from that job to go create what it is that you do love.

SPEAKER_00 22:55

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 22:56

And then you move that way. Now, the chances of people doing that, I don't slim to none, huh? Because we got all those other factors in there. Because think about you get to work and you'll hear people say, whoever their boss or manager is, or the company itself, I would run it differently. I wouldn't do it like that because that doesn't work. I could think of other better ways to do it. If you can do that, that shows you that you should have the confidence in yourself, that you should step out and do what it is that you want to do, but we hide behind other people, other companies, because of the fear again, of believing in ourselves and trusting in ourselves to step out and attempt to do whatever it is that we want to do. Failure is always an option. But if we change our mindset, like you said, literally change our mindset, failure does not exist. When I look at myself and what I do, this podcast, being a life coach, failure's never on the table because failure does not exist in my world. It's what did I learn for that that didn't work out the way I wanted it to work out? And then I move differently to make sure that part doesn't happen again. If we look at you and what you do in your profession, how do you feel? Do you look at failure if you don't get that life insurance signed up, or how do you see it?

SPEAKER_00 24:24

Well, good great points. You know, and it's for me, it's just all about to the best of my ability, rephrasing words that make me feel a certain way that are not positive. So like the word failure, and you explained it clearly, like the word failure is like it's a also another positive word. And it's positive because my mindset behind it's like, okay, I'm I learned another thing or another way, uh maybe not not or how not to do something, but I learned something, you know, I add it to it. You know, we I we have to get into the mindset as much as possible that work is play. Um I love to learn these are like mantras. And again, they're like showers because I can say all this right now and drive down the road, and something can throw me, throw, throw me off my balance. And then that negative self-talk may start to creep in. So, you know, we have to I personally fill myself as much as possible with positive self-talk and just um changing the classification of a word in my mind to make it positive in some way. So failure is like it's a positive word. Like, okay, we learned a way of how to do something else different. Okay, let's keep going. When it becomes uh truly detrimental to our goal and to our life, is when we just lay in it. You know, once we lay in something and just be there, you know, then that's just what it is. You know, it's all about getting ourselves back up, all about getting ourselves back up, you know, getting back on our on our sometimes you gotta just get up on your hands and crawl a little bit. And it's okay, you know what I'm saying? As long as we move it, you know, the turtle still won the race somehow. You know what I'm saying? Because of his consistency. Yes, you know what I'm saying? You know, he's being consistent. Um, but I but I say this for all of us, you know. Just be patient with ourselves, though. Be loving with ourselves. You know, we have already accomplished a lot. Just look at all the things that we have accomplished, you know, in our own individual lives. You know, we have already accomplished so much. We already demonstrated the behaviors that it takes to accomplish something. You know, so now it's just about the consistency and always having a goal. You know, a goal is everything. We have to have a purpose, we have to have a direction, you know, and really dig in why I want to accomplish this goal. Why, why, how is it gonna make me feel? And so different, you know. Basically, you're not wasting time. You know what I'm saying? You're not like going to school, getting a degree and whatever, and you're like, I really don't even like that. You know what I'm saying? You really want to we we really want to just take the time to be like, okay, what do I want to do? Why do I want to do it? Uh, how is it gonna make me feel as an overall person? What is it going to take to get to this goal? What are the small steps that it's going to take? What are the big steps? You know, laying it out. Having real conversations with yourself, like, am I going to be able to accomplish? Am I going to be able to work myself? You know, when you get grown to a certain point, at any age, because it really is just a mind, yes, an activity. So any age. But it's like, am I really going to hold myself accountable and see this through? You know, it's easy to start, it's very challenging to finish. Very challenging to finish something, all of see it all the way through. And then with all of that, all of those things, the most important thing is do I have faith? Do I have faith? Do I have faith? Faith is forever important because we have to believe in things that we cannot see. We have to believe. We have to believe in our connection. You know, and I had to learn many times that you know, on this topic specifically, there is nobody against us. We're all shoulder to shoulder. We're all shoulder to shoulder. You know, there's no need to think that somebody is against us. I can and my business alone, regardless of how great I am or think I am, I cannot do it alone. I cannot do it alone. I have to have collaboration. I have to have collaboration. I have to want to know what somebody's vision is and dream is and be proud because anytime we all accomplish something, we all should celebrate as much as possible because that's just another example of the manifestation power at its best. Is showing us that, hey, yes, you can accomplish this. Yes, I can accomplish this once I execute these things that we're talking about with consistency and planning, and and I mean, yes, we can. So celebrate. If I get a new car or whatever, I don't say I got a new car, I say we got a new car. Because this is another example of the manifestation and work ethic and loving, being positive, and getting up when you don't want to get up, and even when you want to lay down, giving yourself that that love for yourself that it's okay to lay down. Just maybe not okay to stay down. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, you can lay down, but just don't stay down, you know. But sometimes you have to stay down. Trust me. Sometimes I'll be like, forget up, don't even make eye contact with me. Please, no eye contact. Don't even look at me. Just give me two days of nothing, please. And that's okay. Because life is very challenging. Life is very challenging. We are here to get better, to get stronger, to gain a greater connection with every person around us in the middle of a tsunami of emotions.

SPEAKER_03 31:14

We still gotta get better.

SPEAKER_00 31:15

We still gotta get better. We getting hit by we're in a tsunami of emotions, and we're we still gotta try to stay dry in this tsunami of emotions, and that's where our connection with everybody else, and our connection with ourselves, and you know, our connection with with God, and that's where all these things come into play. It's like gotta get better, you know, because be better and be honest. Be better and be honest. Like, hey, you know you know your faults, you know your habits, you know your things, okay, and you know are they uh going taking you closer to your goal, or are they taking you away from your goal? But you know, you just gotta be honest with yourself because man, at the end of the day, like we've been saying, this this is a rap. This is a one-stop shop. Life is just a one-stop, one stop, and uh that's why full circle going back to just like, hey, we gotta understand that we're going to pass, and that's a beautiful thing. Because nature has showed us that, man, come and grow, enjoy your time, enjoy each other, do your best to be genuine, do your best to connect with each other, do your best to create good memories and do your best just to do your best. You know what I'm saying? Yes, you know, just do your best to do your best, you know, whatever that is for you in the moment, just make that your best effort, but create something. You know what I'm saying? Create something and learn from something and and uh just be and be flexible. You know, I try my best to be like like Bruce Lee say, be like water, right? You know what I'm saying? Just be flexible, be moldable, you know, and um be willing to change. I know all those said the same thing, but you know, sometimes you gotta hear it. You know, those were bars. Yes, absolutely bars. Look, dropping jewels, yes, absolutely bars, you know. Let's acknowledge a few bars in there. But you know, so I would just say all of that, you know. But faith, faith, you know, a connection with self and understanding life, those are the big things, you know. Then everything else is so small because your goal is so small to life.

SPEAKER_01 33:31

Yes. And I I like how you said collaborate and how you don't do it alone. But that is key because we spend, and when I say we, I'm speaking our race, for sure. We spend a lot of time thinking that we don't need help. If someone, if we let someone in our circle and help us, that they're gonna take over or they're gonna be better or something like that, where there's enough room for all of us because your thought is not my thought. And if we collaborate, we have an amazing thought now that we have put together because it takes all of us to get there. If if I'm having this whole podcast, it wasn't just me that put this together. It was you, it was the individual that helps me, which is my husband Roosevelt,'s been on the show several times. He puts it together. Our kids come in, help us put it together. We have to bounce off of each other. And when we're doing that and feeling that collaboration and that energy, if it is negative and it's the negative thoughts that we have with ourselves, and we're trying to bounce off of that individual and they're having negative thoughts, we're not going to get anywhere. So now we're gonna be down. And I like how you said that you may have two days that you're down. We have to be intentional about everything that we do, and I like the way you said it because you said, I know I'm down, don't look at me.

SPEAKER_03 35:06

No eye contact. Please, no eye contact.

SPEAKER_01 35:09

Yeah, so that means if I was to look at you when you were down, you're gonna get up because you already know what you shouldn't be down.

SPEAKER_00 35:17

Yeah, yeah. And you need you need a community, you need a community of people to help. Again, you cannot do it alone. I cannot do it alone. It takes a village to help each other, and it could be something as simple as a stranger just walking by you and smiling and saying, How are you today? That gives you a little hope that, hey, you know, I'm still recognized, you know, people still, and we're a team, you know. We we again we want to have a team mindset. Like, hey, a better house, a better house, a better neighborhood, a better neighborhood, a better community, a better community, a better city, a better city, a better state, a better state, a better country, a better country, a better world. You know, so we're always just like, and it's all collaboration. It's all collaboration and and collaboration is also agreeing to disagree. That is a collaboration. Yeah, I collaborate. We collaborated that we disagree. Yes, but I still have love for whatever your thought process is. It's just again, I mean, just be more like water as much as possible. Just you want to be able to flow because build bridges. Because I've been I've been to that place where you think you can do it all alone. I mean, you even think you do it better than God at different times. Like, I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it. Oh, for real, you got it. Okay, with your bathroom. Go ahead and enjoy yourself, and that's then you know you come back crying and crawling, and and you know what I'm saying? So been there and um and thank and just thank uh for having your family, and your family is like your friends, your people that rock with you just to rock with you, just to rock with you, nothing else, you know. So again, I couldn't do without them.

SPEAKER_01 37:09

Love it, and it's genuine. You need those genuine individuals, that community, that support system, and you know they're genuine when they don't see your vision, but they believe in you so much that they like, I got you. Whatever, whatever you need, whatever you need, I have you. And when you fall, because we all have those moments, yes, they're there to pick you up. Like, hey, remember, no, you said this was your goal.

SPEAKER_03 37:36

Right.

SPEAKER_01 37:36

Let's continue with that goal. And I like earlier when you said you can't be down for long. And I always use this with the girls when something doesn't go their way and they're down and out. You can sit with it for a second so you can think about and reflect what you can get out of that, what you've learned for it from that, but we're not gonna sit in it.

SPEAKER_03 37:58

Right.

SPEAKER_01 37:58

Think about it, because when you sit in it, then you don't move and it consumes you. So sit with it, take that time you need. Like you said, give yourself some grace. Give yourself that it's okay, and then you keep moving. But it's that, I mean, give myself a little bit of grace that turns into one day, two days, three days, and then you look up a week that went by.

SPEAKER_00 38:18

Yeah, depression, it doesn't take long for a depression to settle in.

SPEAKER_01 38:22

Not at all.

SPEAKER_00 38:23

Just a couple of thoughts. A couple of thoughts will send you on depression lane.

SPEAKER_01 38:27

Yes, and that mindset again.

SPEAKER_00 38:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:30

I love how you use it because that is my whole thing. I get people ask me all the time, how are you in the same mood? How are you always just that happy? Life cannot be that happy. Yes, it is, because every moment I'm choosing the world that's going on around me is not choosing what I feel within me.

SPEAKER_03 38:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:51

So I am happy every moment. What do I have to feel bad about? Yeah, that is the key. And if we keep moving, when you said have a vision, have a plan, take the steps, realize you're gonna do it every day. And I like how you broke that down to the audience because you guys may have picked it up, you may not, but you went in that routine and you repeat it every single day. And throughout your day, I'm sure you're repeating it over and over because that's what continues to keep you moving.

SPEAKER_00 39:25

Yeah, absolutely. And and and again, just want to be really clear, speaking from me, my myself, is that you're gonna get knocked down. I mean, obviously, right? We've all been knocked down. I mean, so, but just to say that hey, even by having a mindset, it doesn't stop. Having it taking a shower one time doesn't mean that you're clean for your life. That's my favorite analogy when it comes to it, because it's just like every day is a mindset challenge. To stay consistent with that mindset. And some days I get beat by negative self-talk. You know, I'm just grateful to have that we all have the tools to be able to build ourselves out of it. Because again, depression is only a couple of thoughts away. And it can sometimes it takes forever to get out of it. Sometimes you are in a delusion that you're not even in it, that you're not even in a depression and in a full-blown depression.

SPEAKER_03 40:31

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 40:32

Been there. It's like, wow, I was depressed. Like, wow, I didn't even know I was still having a good time. I was doing all these things. But the inability to move when you know you need to move, it's a depression.

SPEAKER_03 40:46

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 40:47

It's a sickness almost. You know, it's a but it's a depression, you know, whatever we want to label it, right? But you know, so if you're not constantly moving, we want to be checking for that data. Like, why? Always why? Why am I not moving? Why am I not moving? You know, but through it all, give ourselves love. Because just because we fall in the mud, doesn't mean that we have to stay dirty. We have to start to get clean, and we start to get clean by a clean mindset. So have love when we're going through our depressions and our challenges and our moments of feeling insecure or feeling jealous or feeling whatever we're feeling, have grace for ourselves because we still we know that's not our our our hearts, we know that's not how we truly are and feel. We just going through this emotional moment. So have love through it all and grace through it all because we still need to get clean. And the fastest way to get clean is to start off by some positive self-talk. You know, just start off by whatever brings you back to awareness. And for me, it's just normally like hey, time is really going by. You know, do I really have time to do whatever that doesn't have nothing to do with my goal or feel this way? Do I have that? Do I have enough time for that? And it's normally like, no, I gotta, so my to-do list is to die for it. It's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 42:22

I know I like that though. I said, no, I really like that. And when you say you, I like the part when you break down to die for it. We gotta keep going. If we step in mud and we get muddy, we gotta wash ourselves off. Some people would say, How do I keep that mindset? How do I even get that mindset? And I always say it's a mindset shift because you say it's going to happen. We all are going to experience something that can put us down. But what we do, this is one thing that I tell a lot of clients, get out of your head. Because those are fear is just something that we create to say that, ooh, this may happen. So studies say, I think it was Cornell or Harvard did a study that 97% of the fear that we have never even happens.

SPEAKER_00 43:21

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 43:22

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 43:22

That's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 43:23

And think about this: the other 15% that's out there, 79% of it, something slightly happened and we handled it perfectly where it was never an issue anyway.

SPEAKER_03 43:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:36

So I say that to say when we get there and we're all in our heads, if we can step out of being in our head and then say, what can I do to fix that? What is it that caused me to go into that depression? Again, being self-aware, asking ourselves those questions that we do not know the answer to, but it forces us to dig and become aware of what that actually is so that we know how to handle it when it comes up again.

SPEAKER_00 44:15

Yeah, gotta get that data.

SPEAKER_01 44:18

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 44:19

I mean, if you gotta go through it, the gem of going through something is just to get the data. Like, how did we get here? Why did we get here? Because we're gonna need that right there is the gold of the gold of going through something that's that's maybe not something that we are failure as we may call it. You know, we want to get that data to figure it out, like why did I go down that path and try not to repeat it.

SPEAKER_01 44:45

Yes, and we need the data in order to not repeat it. So let me say this we need the data, and then we need to be crystal clear on what that data is saying. Yes, yes, so we don't go through that again.

SPEAKER_00 44:58

Gathering data and deciphering data is two different things, you know, it's two different job, two different job roles.

SPEAKER_01 45:05

Yes, yes, yes. Now, as I was thinking through our conversation, I have to say this when I have an intuition, I try to say it because then I'm gonna get your feedback as well. I was just thinking back on the port the portion of success or trying to say accomplish a promotion or start your own business and how we put others down to get there. I've I've had experiences, you've probably had experiences, but our conversation today got me thinking back way when something happened to me, and I'll share with everyone where was my mindset at that time. So I'm thinking about years ago when I was in college, my last year of college, I was working on a TV show on a major network, won't say what network, had been working so much. I had put in all that time. Like you said, I started getting paid for the jobs that I was doing, started out as an intern, worked my way on up, and there was a woman, minority. I had seen her so much over the past couple of years, as starting as an intern, my sophomore year through my senior year, and I built up enough courage to go ask her, hey, not necessarily saying, Can you be my mentor? But it was, hey, is there some advice that you can give me since I'm going to be graduating and I want to apply for this as a permanent full-time job? What can you share with me to help me get to where you're at? She was so open when I originally approached her that I loved it, like that crab tree in a barrel. That's where I was nervous at. So my thought. And I'm thinking back to those years ago when I first approached her, happy, friendly, beautiful spirit. But then when I asked, what advice can you give me that could help me? Her words to me was nothing. This is a male. She was straight faced with it. Nothing. She said, This is a male-dominant industry, and I'm not gonna tell you anything that would allow you to come in and work your way up and take my job. And she walked off.

SPEAKER_00 47:36

Wow, yes, wow. We might take a shot on that one. That might be a stop break. You got a lunch, you got a dinner, never need a stop break. That was nothing, nothing. So, how did that make you feel at that moment? She just like crushed you.

SPEAKER_01 47:54

Oh my gosh, JR, yes, it crushed me right now. This was the thing that crushed me the most. I thought I was going to someone that looked like me and would give me the information to help me start taking those steps. So I felt comfortable. I'ma just be honest. I felt comfortable going to her versus someone else. Right. She tore me down, did not help me, did not give me any advice. And I continued to see her, but as I continued to see her, she wouldn't speak. She turned up her nose. She acted like I did not exist. Wow. Yes. So it crushed me, but I said I couldn't stop there because I had a vision. My vision at that time was to be able to own my own television production company.

SPEAKER_00 48:45

Nice.

SPEAKER_01 48:46

That was my goal. And I was the person that was behind the scenes. Eventually I wanted the executive director, work my way up, that type of thing. I never sat in front of the camera like what I'm doing now. So when she didn't help me, I said, Well, pick yourself up, Tasha, and go ask the next person. I went and asked the next person. She was not, she didn't look like me. And she sat me down and told me exactly what to do. Step by step. She didn't feel intimidated because it was never about taking someone's job, because there's enough room and availability for all of us. But for someone that looked like me to, and she intentionally tried to destroy me, is what she did for sure. But the other individual didn't see it like that. She saw it as this is a young lady, 21, 22. I have been seeing her for years work her way up in this. I'm gonna give her what I can so she can move forward. So did it destroy me? It did, but it didn't stop me. That was the difference. Destroyed me, but it did not stop me.

SPEAKER_00 49:59

That's good. I got a couple of, and I'm glad that that that didn't happen. I'm glad that you persevered through that because that's that's real. Two things about two questions I have. One is how was your approach uh spiritually toward the the first lady who rejected you? Like when you see each other knowing that she's looking her other way, nose stuck up. 21, I can imagine, but but for real? You're for real? Yes, but like but how but how was your energy towards her when you see her doing her thing naturally?

SPEAKER_01 50:35

Back then, if I go back to my 21-year-old mind, you are correct. I felt some kind of way. I I was offended because it's like, how how do you do that? How do you tear me down and not be willing to help? But what I did is I continued to watch her and I continued to take notes because since she wouldn't share, at least I could learn from what I saw her doing. And I took that and just added that to all the knowledge to continue to present myself a certain way. So how I may have seen her move, how I may have seen her in the back doing some of the work, setting up phone calls, scheduling different things, whatever it was that she was doing, I made a mental note of that. So when I moved to the next person to present myself, I was able to say, I've experienced this that I learned from her. So honestly, I can say I already had a deep drive, but what she did was she opened up Pandora's box. And the drive and the motivation got harder, it got stronger, and I was able to pull other individuals along. So I my overflow was strong because I was not gonna stop. She showed me to never stop. That's what she taught me. No matter who tells me no, no matter who gets in my way, pivot. And it was so strong that I was like, you know what? I'm gonna apply for the Oprah Winfrey show. Did that and got the phone call, had the whole interview.

SPEAKER_03 52:09

Nice! A little bit of that, a little bit of that.

SPEAKER_01 52:12

Yes, and the one thing they asked me, are you willing? Because I'm in Las Vegas, going between Vegas and California, are you willing to move to California because this atmosphere, I'm sorry, move to Chicago. This atmosphere is so different. It's freezing cold here, and they told me to take a week to really think about it to make sure that's something I wanted to do. I was so grateful that they did that because I was able to talk to my husband. We really think about this, and the answer was no. I didn't want to do that. Here we are now in Arizona. I would not go back that way, but it gave me all the courage that I needed to keep going. Now, not saying that I didn't go home and cry about it. I did. I went straight to Roseville and I was like, this is devastating. If it was hard for her, she knows it's hard for me. Why would you do that? But yes.

SPEAKER_00 53:13

And then your audience will be like mad at me for not ha asking this question. So, what eventually happened to her career?

SPEAKER_01 53:23

She's making it happen. She's still there to this day.

SPEAKER_00 53:26

Making it happen.

SPEAKER_01 53:27

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 53:28

And shout out to her. Absolutely. Shout out to her. So we need to celebrate her success.

SPEAKER_01 53:33

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 53:33

And you still learn something from her. And um you brought up something about about color, uh, about race.

SPEAKER_03 53:40

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 53:41

Uh, people that don't look like us. Um being an Arizona native, I always understood um racism, obviously, the way it is. But my mindset, I never allowed it to detour me from working with everybody. And that's pretty much for the most part, that's like our culture in Arizona. We're very multicultural here.

SPEAKER_02 54:09

Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_00 54:10

And um, so I always would say, like, I can learn from everybody because it's the person who wants to help. It's the it's that person who has that awareness. And and I always, again, we always do want to do our best to have love for everybody, even her doing what she did at that moment with you. Um, and I'm pretty sure she probably wouldn't do that same behavior today, I would imagine. Yes. Because we have to always give each other grace, and we ought to always forgive. All right, because at different moments, especially moments of not being aware, you're gonna demonstrate some behavior that's not going to align with your higher self. And we need people to give us that patience and give us that grace to be able to say, Hey, I forgive you and still love you genuinely. I get it. We're gonna say things, do things that may not align, and we need to give each other that grace and space, you know. Consistently, intentionally doing something, that's a whole different story. You can love them from afar. Like I love you for being a reflection of all of us, but you know, right now I gotta protect my boundaries right now. Um, always protect the boundaries side note.

SPEAKER_01 55:21

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 55:22

Um, but yeah, so yeah, work with everybody again. Collaboration, collaboration, collaboration. You know, I've learned more from reading books from people from all walks of life and reading uh quotations from all walks of life because I figured out on my journey, it's just really about the mindset. The mindset is like a computer program. So the more we can gather different types of mindsets and way of looking at things, we're reprogramming our computer constantly. It's always updating and upgrading. So there you go.

SPEAKER_01 55:56

Love it, love it. Rewiring our mind.

SPEAKER_00 56:00

Rewiring the mind, yeah. I mean, I mean, I appreciate you saying the simple words so I can I got 30 words so you don't know the fly to the moon, and all I got all these different things. Thank you for clarifying simplifying that for me. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 56:14

That is okay. I I try to think about it and make it simple and easy, but you said it perfectly. I just paraphrased it. That was all I did.

SPEAKER_00 56:22

God bless you. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 56:24

All right. So, do you have any last words for us?

SPEAKER_00 56:30

Well, I appreciate you and your audience and uh your family just for creating this platform, you know, um showing other people that yes, we can accomplish our goals. This is one of your goals, and this and this, we are in the moment of one of your goals. You know what I'm saying? So that is a celebration, a manifestation is real, work ethic is real. So I just want to thank y'all for having me. I really appreciate it.

SPEAKER_01 56:59

You are welcome. I appreciate you showing up.

SPEAKER_00 57:02

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 57:02

Look, I'm gonna put you on the spot. So are you willing to come back to TK Conversations?

SPEAKER_00 57:07

I mean, yeah, if we're gonna have this food that we've been talking about, we have we're gonna have that. It could be any conversation, but I'll pull up. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 57:15

We're gonna do that. So I'm gonna hold you to it. Yes, and what I'm going to do, something a little different, but I've been thinking about working it in. So I'm gonna start with you. You pick the topic, and I'ma just flow because when we come out here, it's just all natural, and we're just having the conversations, those conversations that are uncomfortable, but they need to be had.

SPEAKER_00 57:41

That's a good point. You know what? That's a great idea because you being a life coach, um, somebody may can get a free on-air session. Yeah. Like I got this real problem. Y'all excuse us. I got this real problem that's going on.

SPEAKER_01 58:01

Yes, he said that, and he is correct because whatever information I provide is a tool to help wherever you are in life. I try to always share that. So definitely, definitely.

SPEAKER_00 58:16

Absolutely. I'm I'm gay. Give me a little bit of that. I'm getting it.

SPEAKER_01 58:20

Thank you. And thank you, everyone, for tuning in to this episode of TK Conversations. We will be back with the next one. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 58:29

Peace.