What’s Really Holding Us Back from Fixing Our Problems?

Why do we struggle to fix the same problems over and over? The truth is, you can’t solve a problem with the same mindset that created it. In this episode, we’re joined by psychologist Dr. Lewis to explore why we stay stuck and how shifting our perspective can unlock real change. From breaking self-sabotaging patterns to adopting new ways of thinking, we’ll uncover what it truly takes to move forward. Don’t miss this insightful conversation!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:04

Thank you for tuning in to another episode. I am TK, and we are joined today by my special guest, psychologist Dr. Lewis. Thank you so much for being a part of the show today. Thank you for having me, TK.

SPEAKER_01: 0:22

And I'm really excited about being here with you at this time because this was this was something we were going to do in Hawaii, but it wasn't meant at that time. But I'm just so excited because I know that we're going to look together. And with both of our perspective coming from two different points of view and age group, it's going to be really excited for your exciting for your audience. And I'm really glad that you have me here.

SPEAKER_00: 0:53

Alright. Thank you so much. So, as usual, we know podcast is about talking about those things that are uncomfortable and becoming comfortable being uncomfortable. So today's topic is going to be about a reel that I had posted on my social media page. I can't recall the date that I actually made the post, but if anyone um looks for it, it is on my Instagram page, and that is at imtk stricklin. And on there, the question was asked of me of why do I think that individuals struggle with their problems? Or I guess on there, you'll hear the person ask me what advice do I give for individuals that are struggling with their problems or issues? That's the way it's phrased. So today we are going to do a deep dive into that one because I know that that's a question that a lot of people listened to on my posts, and I got a lot of views on that. Um, so that told me that it stood out, and that told me as well that I needed to go ahead and take a deeper dive. And I figured who best to dive into that with me, than psychologist Dr. Lewis. So, with that said, what I am going to do is I'm going to throw that statement out to you. And I just want you to start out with telling me your thoughts and what you think when you hear that statement, because I'm sure what you do and the individuals you talk to, you have heard that. So, again, just in case anyone's just tuning in and missed the first part, what we are discussing today is why do people struggle or have issues with resolving any problems that they have? And my answer, I'll share with you before you chime in. My answer was because you cannot solve a problem or issue that you have with the same thinking that created that specific problem or issue. So now with that said, I'm gonna bounce over to you and you tell us your thoughts. You run with it. The floor is yours.

SPEAKER_01: 3:19

Okay, then thank you again for having me. What we do is we deal with the same thoughts, and then when we try to address issues or problems that come up in our life, we're addressing them with the from the same mindset or from the same thought form or pattern that we have been using since from our childhood, and we don't recognize that at first. Because we deal or we struggle, as TK was saying, we struggle with a lot of issues and problems because we're trying to address them from the wrong place. Let me put it like that. Because we try to address a lot of our issues and problems from our adulthood, but a lot of things have gone unaddressed from our infant stage up until the time when we leave home. So when we leave home, we leave home with the information in a bag that we have collected from our school, from our parents, from our peers, from our neighborhood, um, from our religion. And we just we leave home and we say, well, okay, then some people say I want a different life than that, or uh I want to just not be at home anymore. Either they're just ready to leave home and they want to be out on their own because they don't want to abide by the rules, whatever reason it might be. What happens is that when we leave home, a lot of times we're not ready to go because we don't have the correct information. But as far as the laws of the land says, we have grown to a part point that we're able to go out on our own. And when we do, we're carrying in the bag that we take with us what we have picked up for from our first, let's say 18, 19 years, 20 years. And so we're taking that information with us. And when we do, what we're doing is that now we're out in this big world that we know nothing about. We haven't been in this world before. So we're in the world now, and we're trying to address the problems and the issues that we have coming at us from the world, and we're addressing it with the same mindset or with the same mind that we were using that we left when we were leaving home. So, what happens is that in order to address that or look at that from a different perspective, what we have to do is take time for ourselves and look within because the information that we we left home with was all scrambled up. Because, first of all, when we leave home, we leave home thinking we know who we are, which caused the first problem. And problems turn into issues. If you don't solve a problem and you carry that problem day after day, month after month, year after year, then it becomes an issue because it hasn't been addressed. And you're out in the world now, and nothing in the world has helped you to address those issues that are most important to you that you had when you left home. So what we have to do is that we're looking for answers in the wrong place. Our answers are inside of us, and what happened is that our first confusion started when we were told our name was Jane or Latasha or Linda or Mike or Joe. That's not who you really are. You your that's your body's name. That your body is the one who have the birth certificate, and your body is the one who will get the death certificate. So that's confusion right there because when I speak, I say, this is happening to me, but it's not happening to me, it's things that we go through on the outside.

SPEAKER_00: 7:31

I'm gonna go back a couple of spots because there was something that you said, and I wanted to pull in a little more information with that. So when we have a problem or issue, whichever a person chooses to say, without us taking a deep dive into breaking up both of those individually. So when someone is having an issue or problem that they need to deal with, and they're just not able to solve it, and we say it's because they're using the same thinking that created the problem. So that makes sense. You can't use the same thinking and mindset, is the word you used, which I loved it, because it is that mindset. The mindset that you have that created the issue is the same mindset that you're using to resolve the issue, and the reason that it is not working is because you need to evolve your mindset, maybe a little more self-awareness, because I like how you said you're trying to resolve an issue with let's say childhood trauma and things that you went through that was installed inside of you as you were being raised by your parents, your grandparents, aunties, uncles, society, everything that was dumped into you on top of the name that you were provided and your parents told you that you were. So immediately you start to lose a sense of who you truly are at the very beginning because of who you're told that you are. But what I heard you say, and tell me if I'm wrong, if I solve and if I try to solve an issue with my current mindset that created the issue, I am using past information to resolve that problem. Is that right? Okay, so then I'm gonna go a step further. So am I also safe in saying that if there is a trauma that has, and I'm gonna come up with uh just an example. If there is a trauma that I've had growing up that I have dealt with my whole life, and at that point, when I use that type of verbiage, then I've claimed that. I've claimed that trauma, I've held on to it, I've never moved past it, and you said you haven't dealt with it. So that makes sense. So I'm holding on to it, so then I go into a relationship, and as soon as they do something that triggers that trauma from my childhood that has continued into my adulthood, my reaction is now coming from the trauma of the child that has been battling that same issue. Now I am projecting it onto the individual I'm having that relationship with. That was a mouthful, but please. Correct.

SPEAKER_01: 10:35

Yes, I mean I can't you said you said it all better than I did. That is cruel, and that's what I'm saying. And that's where that's when we start really struggling. I believe that all the experiences that we experience as individuals is only to enrich and enhance us, no matter how hard those experiences may seem, they tailor to the individual. And it's to help us to grow. And I'm talking about what's on the inside of us, that that person that left home. I mean, our body is like a vehicle that we use. Our body is a tool that we use, our body works for us, our body does everything for us, and we have to take care of it. Because when you are in an apartment or you have your home or you own a car, all of that is done for the body. That's rewarding the body for being able to use your body and being able to help you have the experiences that you need to have, because we have to have this body in order to have experiences here. So we have to take care of this body. So everything that we do is done for the body. So those obstacles or problems or issues that we're having outside of us is for the body, and we take it personal, but it's just things that we have to work out and work through in when we're able to separate the two and say, okay, then I have a body that people are looking at, but then I'm inside of this body. When you're able to separate the two and then bring the two back together, and see when we leave home, we go we're going out as one because we haven't been taught that this is it's a unit. But we both are here. You have your body. If you don't have a body, you can't have no experiences, you can't enjoy, you can't love because you need a body in its senses in order to be able to have a true experience. No matter what the experience may be, it can be joy, love, hatred, peace, struggles, problems, you know. But that's for us to work through, and we can do that. But what it is is that we start taking it so personal, like it's happening to us. But that's just the way that the world goes. I mean, it flows like that. It's like clouds in the sky. You know, they're steady going. So whenever I have a problem, that's just a problem that's coming through. If I'm not able to solve that problem right now, and I shouldn't dwell on that problem. I have to let it go on. It'll come back around. Because clouds move. But if you stagnate a cloud, then that becomes a part of your life. Because now you're stagnated over something that happened in your childhood or whatever it may be. It could have been something in the process of you growing up that you're dealing with as an adult, too. But when you grab those clouds as they pass through, they're not bothering you, they just something passing. It's just a thought, it's only a thought. And if you don't stop that thought or entertain that thought, that thought will move on. But what we do when we stop it and say, oh, well, that's me. Because that thought came through. And so when we start identifying with it, then that's when the suffering from having those problems and those issues we start feeling inside of our body. And then we become so confused that we don't know what to do because we're identifying with something that's not really us. It's just phenomenal, it's just passing if you leave it alone. And if you can't solve it right now, let it go because that means I don't have enough information because it's not really doing anything to me. I'm the one giving it my energy. Because wherever your attention goes, your energy follows. So you're giving it your energy, and once you give anything your energy, it's like blowing up a bloom. You keep holding on to it and breathing into it and say, Oh, that's me. This is going on and that's going on. Now you're stuck. And you're believing that that's you, whenever it really is not. All you have to do is disconnect or release it. I know that a lot of people may say, Oh, well, you know, that sounds so simple. It's not that simple, it's harder than that. That's because that's your perception that it's harder than that, but it really isn't because nothing is really bothering us. We are the ones attaching to this stuff and saying, Oh, well, that's a problem. Because even after you get an answer to your problems or your issues, it still don't change what happened to you. It just gives you a mindset of how to uh move on beyond it. And so if you run into an issue or a problem that you can't get beyond, then just move on beyond it, let it go. Why hold on to it? Because you're we're not gonna change it anyway. When we get the answer, it's still gonna be the same. So why not just go on and live my life and go forward and not allow myself to be hung up because of some kind of thought form or patterns that we're thinking in our mind because it's nothing but mind stuff, and I'm not blowing the mind off, but our mind has been our friend all of our life, but right now we're not healthy enough to allow our mind to be our best friend anymore because that was the one who have always told us what to do and what not to do, who we are, who we ain't, and our mind does not have the position of telling us our mind is our servant, but what happened is that we serve our mind, it's just whatever our mind goes, then we say it's then we react to it, but that's not how it is supposed to be. The way that it truly is is that when I am in control of my mind, and I'm gonna give you an example of how you can see that you are, because your mind cannot go into sleep with you, your mind cannot go into deep sleep with you. Once your consciousness leaves your body, then the mind can't go where you're going beyond then. Now, in dreaming, the mind can go with you, the mind can only attach itself to material things and phenomenal things, it's got to be able to have something that it can see. So, what we have to come to understand is that our mind cannot tell us who we are because our mind can't go with us into spiritual things, it can only relate on the physical level. So when I go into deep sleep, I'm not doing anything, I'm not dreaming, but all at once my body says it needs to go to the bathroom. That shows the separation between the body and what's inside of it. Now, people say different names, it could be soul, spirit, or whatever. I'm just trying to show the difference between the two, even though they are one as long as we enter every day. But when the body says, I gotta go to the bathroom, the body can't go to the bathroom unless you, consciousness, come back conscious enough to get up and take it to the bathroom. Because if it doesn't, everybody knows what's gonna happen. Yes, everyone knows what's gonna happen. So, and see, when we left home, we were not taught that, and a lot of times our parents didn't know either, because each generation gets a little wiser, and so now this is knowledge that we we have that we can start using and realizing that when you're addressed with an issue or a problem, you look at it and you say, Is that truly mine? It's not yours, it's for you to address or for you to solve. And if you can't do it right now, it's okay. It's not for you to make it be something really big that's gonna weigh on you. Let it pass because the next time when it comes through, you could have all the answers to be able to say it won't even bother you because what you call what you may see as a problem, five other people just don't even see it as a problem. That's because you're giving that your energy. Whenever we grow, we go back to zero and say, Well, okay, then I don't have the answer right now, then the answer will come along. Then when it does, and you're ready, you'll find out you wasted a whole lot of energy, and the answer was coming anyway. And a lot of us can relate to that in our life because there's things that we were dealing with whenever we were younger, we like, why did I even trip over that? When all I had to do was wait until I grew some more. Because our parents, you know, those that are was in our life or is still in our life, when we were younger, as we adults, we can see where they're at. We all vibrate on different frequencies.

SPEAKER_00: 19:55

I'm gonna throw a couple of things in there. I like the cloud analogy. So if we looked at the clouds as just experiences and situations that are just going by because clouds are moving. There sometimes, if it's a storm, we see them moving fast. If there's not, sometimes we see where they appear to be sitting still, but they're not. They're just moving in a slower motion. So if we take that analogy and say, okay, our issues, our situations are clouds, and we are sitting outside and we're watching those clouds go by, what we do as humans, as being human, because we're humans and we're just humans being humans, we grab the cloud and then want to take ownership of it. So let's say that cloud that was passing at the moment was depression or something. And we grab a hold of it. Once we grab a hold of it, we stopped it from passing us, and that enabled us to say, now we own it. So now since we're owning it, we're holding on to it and we don't want to let it go. So now we become stagnated in whatever that depression is, because that was the depression cloud, because it was really supposed to keep moving. You were supposed to see it for what it was, grab the experience. But since we don't do that and we hold on to it and claim it, we find that a month, two months, a year or two go by, like you said, that we're still holding on to that same cloud that someone else was supposed to reap the experience of, but we grabbed it because we all experience the same emotions. We all feel sad sometimes, happy, a little depressed, but it's how we perceive it at the moment that we are having the emotion. So I wanted to throw that out there when people are just thinking about it. Because you may, after listening to us, go outside or tomorrow and it's a cloudy day, and you decide to just look up and you see them pass. I want you to just take a moment and be present and just watch them pass. And you will realize, like Dr. Lewis said, it comes back around because whatever we have experienced in our life, there's always a lesson to be learned from it. Now, if that's past childhood trauma or whatever it is, we have to learn how to handle it so we can move beyond it. So it is not something that we are continuing to hold on to, so we can create a new perspective. So that view that we have on whatever that specific issue is no longer what our reality is. Like Dr. Lewis said, it could be something that bothered you five years ago, and now when it comes back up, you don't even think about it. And it's because you've grown beyond that. There's been some self-awareness that's been going on that has allowed you and enabled you to evolve beyond that. Because we all know when we were kids, we wanted that pair of shoes. Well, I can speak for myself, I just had to have that pair of shoes, and I felt bad when I didn't get that pair of shoes, and then in my adulthood, it's like, why am I gonna pay that much for a pair of shoes? I can do something else with my money, but as growing up, as my mother would tell me, I could do something else with the money, I didn't see it, so she saw it from her perspective and she was trying to share it with me, but I wasn't open and ready to receive that just yet. So I could not see it as she was delivering it. Um, so that was one part I wanted to address. I like how you talked about how a person goes to sleep, and once they go to sleep and they're in that deep sleep, the mind is not with them. And it made me also think about the ego is not with them either. Correct. Yes. Because that ego gets us going, because that ego is what tells us what we should be doing, even when we know we shouldn't be doing it, that ego is pushing us and pushing us. Excuse me for don't chime in.

SPEAKER_01: 24:21

Okay, okay so it won't be so confusing to the audience, just use the mind and the ego as one. Because we don't see the ego, we don't even hear about an ego unless we really go to college or higher education, or if we have parents that really know. But a lot of time growing up in that house, we just, you know, it's our mind. It's our mind. Yes. So, you know, the way that I address it is that I just leave it as one because in a lot of instances, that's why I was saying the mind is not, don't lose your thought though. That's why I was saying the mind used to be our best friend when we were growing up. When we left home, that well, all we listened to was the mind. Then as we stayed out in the world for a little while, you know, we're like, that ain't me. Why are you telling me that? Because the mind would tell us to do something and say, now try this, do this, do then whatever don't work out. It's say, I don't know why you did that. You know, so that's all we knew was our mind. But we put the mind in a position that was not it's positioned because the mind don't know who we truly are, and the mind was telling us what to do, but you cannot do that because you can't follow me all the way through. You only come on scene when I become conscious. When I become conscious again in the morning, open my eyes and see that I'm back here, then that's when you appear. You're right there waiting on me. That's why a lot of times people prefer just being sleep and not dreaming, but deep sleep. Because then the conscious is not there punching at them, saying, do this, do that, because it is always sending you on another journey. Just remember that. When it becomes your true friend, it won't do that. But right now, we have to learn how do I separate myself from my best friend and know the difference between me and my best friend. And my best friend, which is my mind or ego, if you want to say, but I'm I'm using the two as one, it is my mind and my body. My mind is telling my body what to do, it's not telling me what to do because it can't be telling me what to do because I'm the one looking at it tell me in the body what to do. I'm trying not to make that a tongue twister. No, but what I'm saying is that it can't be me because I'm looking at the mind tell me what to do, and I'm looking at the mind tell my body what to do.

SPEAKER_00: 26:50

Yeah, it's a another a good way to simplify it as well, I think, would be saying what we do as humans is we we misunderstand who's in control, and we allow the mind to control us, where we are really the true us within us is who controls the mind. But we don't realize that until we start evolving and doing a lot of self-awareness, and that's why people think, and that's a part of depression, your mind runs rapid, and therefore you have no control over the mind, where eventually, hopefully, everyone can get to a point in their lives that they understand that that's just the mind, just like a passing cloud. That's just the thought. Yes, yes, that's where we're going. Okay, yes, that's that's where I thought you were going. You summed that up very well.

SPEAKER_01: 27:48

Yes.

SPEAKER_00: 27:49

So if anyone is to ever prioritize, it's you and you control the mind. You make the conscious decision if you want to do whatever it is that you are going to do. So if you have a thought and the mind tells you you need to go buy those pair of shoes today, and those pair of shoes, let's say, are a thousand dollars and your rent is due. But you really need those shoes because you're going out tonight and you want to make sure that you look the very best that you can look. Now, Dr. Lewis said, use ego and mind. I'm gonna keep them as one because that's your ego telling you to go buy them shoes when you know your rent is due. You gotta prioritize. So the true self knows that the mind is just talking, but you being in control and not letting it control you, it allows you to make a different choice, an intentional choice of saying no, sit back, because I got this. You don't always have to let the mind run rapid and control you, and that that takes a lot of work. I mean, you need to meditate, you need to know how to be still and just be in the present moment. And I'm glad I just said those words because I'm gonna bounce this off of you too. When I said be still, be in the present moment and meditate. Some people don't meditate, some people choose to pray. Whatever your vehicle of getting you to the present moment, I want you to do that. But if you're praying or if you're meditating, I think everyone could probably agree with me. When you be still and do that, the mind keeps going and going and going, and it never stops. And that's the part that you're working on because it has controlled us for so long that now when we tell it to take a back seat, it's like, who you talking to? Correct, correct, so correct, we'll punk you in a minute, yes, because it's like I've been running this show this whole time. Now you're telling me to sit back, and that's what you want it to do because you want to eventually learn how to control it, and once you do, you will see how things are so much easier, how you're not taking all of these things personal because none of it is personal.

SPEAKER_01: 30:09

You know, I want to I just want to piggyback off of what you said is that when you decide that you want to take over, you can finish, but you're starting a war within yourself, and that war does have to come because that's the only way you're gonna be able to straighten things out. We have these problems and these issues that's outside of us, but it's all because of how we have addressed it from the inside, so we're gonna have a little war, it's gonna be the mindset. Oh no, no, no, and then it may become a storm, it may become clouds because it's gonna be clouds, it may be clouds that's got a lot of with thunder and lightning and full of rain, all that's gonna pass, so we can't get hung up on that. But whenever you make up your mind that I'm gonna take my throne back, because it's your throne, it's not the mind's throne, it's not the ego throne, it's your throne. When you decide you're gonna take your throne back, then you're in full control because if you say it is, it is. If you say it ain't, it ain't. Because the mind cannot control you, it's only been doing that because we gave up our throne. So now if you sit back on it, you're gonna get some turbulence, but it's okay. That's what happened when the storm comes, but none of them stayed. It can't ever stay. You we can't even always have sunny days. Nothing stays. Everything in this world on the outside of us is phenomenal. It's transit, it's gonna move. And that's what we have to understand. We get upset because all here come a storm. So why do you have to address it? Why don't you just look at it and enjoy it and see what you can learn from it? Because I'm sure it's always a lesson in it. But our mind tells us to look at it negatively when it and when it's really it's just there for us to learn from. And if we don't, if we didn't respond so fast, then we would be able to see that. But though that's another learning process that we have to go through.

SPEAKER_00: 32:15

So, yes, it is. I like that because I was gonna say something that you just said, so I appreciate you saying that when you went into a learning process and it's an experience, we equate a let a lesson as being negative, like you said, and lessons are not negative, that's how we choose to label it. So that's what I want to point out. So as we're having this conversation today, and we use the word lesson, lesson's not meant in a negative form at all. That lesson, you can learn anything, and it's how you are choosing to perceive that lesson. So that storm that's going by that may be a struggle, then you chose for it to be a struggle because uh you can see it as a struggle, and I can see it as a wonderful experience, and it's the same exact form, but that's because of my perception of it and my reality being completely different as yours. It's like someone saying, I see the color red, and the other person saying, I see the color orange. It's not that a person is colorblind, it's their perspective of it, and that's what life is about, that is what your current situations and your current problems are about. So, what you want to do, and and I challenge everyone to do this because I'm sure everyone listening to this can think of an issue right now that they need to deal with, and they have been pondering over what move do I make to deal with it. What I challenge you to do is change your mindset, change how you're looking at it, and I guarantee you, guarantee you, you guys are welcome to reach out to me if you do it, and it does not change because that means you didn't change the mindset. So I challenge you to change how you are looking at that situation, and when you change how you're looking at it, it creates a different scenario for you. I promise you, it does every single time. And the time that it doesn't, reach out to me because I'm gonna be able to show you where you didn't shift it. You have to shift the mindset, and when you shift your mindset, you changed your thought about it, and when you changed your thought about it, you changed how you perceived it, and now you see something completely different. I know that was a mouthful, and I know we've been going for a minute. So remember, my challenge for all of my listeners change how you see it, change your perspective on it, whatever it may be, and I promise you it's gonna be uncomfortable when you do it, but I also promise you you will enjoy the result that comes from it. So, Dr. Lewis, what do you what do you have for us? I know we're coming up on our time, and I want you to be able to say something.

SPEAKER_01: 35:28

I just want to leave uh your uh your audience with you are who you're waiting for. You are not waiting on anyone else, you're not waiting on anything else. If you are, you're looking in the wrong place. You are who you are waiting on. And until you come to the realization or recognize that all this time you've been sitting and waiting, you're not you're waiting on yourself. So if you're waiting on anything else, you know, my advice to you is stop because you you got you. You're who you're waiting for. And just remember that. I had to learn that. I don't even want to tell you my age when I learned that because I was much older and my kids was gone from home, and I was like, okay, because you wait on so many different things. You wait on that person to come to your life to make you happy. You want to wait on get your house, so then you're really gonna be happy. But you're who you're waiting on, and things will change once you get back on your own throne because it's all about you, it's not about anything outside of you. You could you have control over everything outside of you because if you're not there, won't nothing show up. Consciousness is the screen to your reality. Everything plays on the screen of consciousness, and I want to leave your holiness with that.

SPEAKER_00: 37:06

Okay, that's a deep one, that's a nice jewel. You are who you're waiting for, and I'm gonna piggyback off of that. You are who you're waiting for. So, my other challenge is when are you gonna show up? You are who you're waiting for. You can be exactly who you want to be, you can live the exact life that you want to live. So stop waiting for something or someone because you are wasting time and energy. You need to get up and stand up for yourself and show yourself that you are exactly who you are, you be exactly who you want to be. And it's not, oh, I gotta wait till I get the job and get the money. No, it is exactly what Dr. Lewis said. You are who you're waiting for. Now, I will say I am gonna have another episode coming, and Dr. Lewis will be back with us again. Completely different topic. I want to take advantage of her as long as I possibly can. So, you guys, please continue to stay tuned. I appreciate everyone joining the two of us today. And please remember, if you have any questions for me, please don't hesitate to reach out. You can definitely reach me on my social media. You can always um email me at info at tkstrickland.com. You can also check out my website at tkstrickland.com for any individual coaching, any group coachings, and I am actually starting to do uh group coaching events around the city. So please take a look at my Instagram and you'll see the event that will be coming up on February 22nd, and the next one will be on March 29th. Any questions? Don't hesitate again, Dr. Lewis. Thank you so much for joining me today.

SPEAKER_01: 39:16

I enjoy looking with you in your audience at us, you know, because we all struggle with the same thing. I have to remind myself. So don't beat yourself up. There's no real fight, it's all about take your throne back, it's yours.

SPEAKER_00: 39:32

I love it. And we're gonna leave it there. Take your throne back. Anyone watching, it's yours. Go put that crown on your head and sit in your chair. That's your throne. All right, till next time. Thank you, TK Conversation audience. See you in the next episode.